Health, Sex and Intimacy: Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection,...

By Username - 09/08/2011 00:03 - United States

Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection, but if I don't work out, my penis functions fine. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't a professional bodybuilder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 750

You deserved it 13 530

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Same thing different taste

By frustrated - 30/10/2009 04:17 - Australia

Today, I discovered that just because I get unwanted erections on an hourly basis throughout the day, it doesn't mean that I can get required erections in the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 668

You deserved it 2 611

Leg day

By Anonymous - 09/02/2023 12:00 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I found out the hard way that having done a killer workout with free weights the day before is all well and good, but it is neither conducive to playing difficult piano pieces nor to… uhm… masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 892

Nutty

By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 20:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, i discovered I can only get an erection in the presence of a real woman. My days of busting nuts alone are over. Except I don't have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 280

Missing

By SignificantShrinkage - 08/10/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that when you gain too much weight, your penis can get significantly smaller. After noticing that things had been "off" in the bedroom, my girlfriend and I decided to measure it. There was significant shrinkage. I guess it's time to start working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 972

You deserved it 1 921

In shape

By emmy - 01/04/2021 14:01

Today, even after months of vigorous exercise and diet in an attempt to gain muscle, I have not gained any muscle. Instead, my body is putting fat into the one part of my body I can’t work out: my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 109

By Dooh - 17/01/2012 23:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I've found out that since beginning my new heavy workout regime, my testosterone levels have gone through the roof, making me constantly horny. My girlfriend lives on another continent. The reason I'm working out so hard? To impress her when I see her next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 103

You deserved it 5 024

By dawg3360 - 07/06/2009 06:02 - Canada

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 639

You deserved it 134 209

By Anonycock - 06/01/2016 17:15 - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 832

You deserved it 3 909

By Anonymous - 21/07/2015 17:50 - India - Bangalore

Today, I was trying to work out, and couldn't even complete an exercise regime meant for 50-year-olds. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 900

You deserved it 8 284

By anonymous - 24/11/2015 19:38 - Switzerland - Unterageri

Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 113

You deserved it 3 011

markrs 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 9:10

You're dicksfunctional

DrDiamond 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 8:58

Hey having sex is exercise too... The fun kind

Comments

iloooovemylife 7

Tuesday 9 August 2011 15:25

sucks for you my man ! Or better yet start taking pills

dusthawg 4

Tuesday 9 August 2011 15:28

Easy on the roids bro

Ebola_fml 20

Tuesday 9 August 2011 15:32

Roids will do that to you.

paigeme 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 15:46

pretty sure that it has something to do with the roids not the working out

chris173airborne 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 15:46

That's the steroid use talking...just sayin'

tucansam555 3

Tuesday 9 August 2011 15:49

It would seem you have reached an impass

Nemmycakes 3

Tuesday 9 August 2011 15:53

Steroids do funny things to your balls, man.

AKSpray 4

Wednesday 10 August 2011 4:52

Only while you're on them, and that has nothing to do with erections, brain child.

skylance87 8

Tuesday 9 August 2011 15:58

Lay off the steroids

imperialtl 12

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:04

Is it the working out or the steroids that is causing the problem?

huntingman1019 0

Tuesday 9 August 2011 16:35

quit the steroids dude

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Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

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The Top

Today, I miss what it’s like to be in college. I didn’t know life after graduation was so empty. FML

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Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 788

You deserved it 3 881

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 818

You deserved it 8 659

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 681

You deserved it 7 566

Today, I had to make my boss believe that I was late to work because my sick dog shit all over my bedsheets and I had to clean up the mess before work. The truth is, I don't have a dog, and I wrongly trusted a long fart this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 370

You deserved it 1 159

Today, I had to address a flatulence issue with an employee. Other employees are complaining about the smell. I have to continue addressing the issue until it stops. So far, I've talked to her about it 4 times. No end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 433

You deserved it 3 155