Intimacy: Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than...

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By JohnB - 20/10/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 864

You deserved it 4 228

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By jenA - 21/08/2012 13:04 - United States - Russellville

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 867

You deserved it 2 999

Wake up, human!

By inveralaska - 16/06/2016 21:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 051

You deserved it 2 360

By meowmeow - 21/09/2010 04:38 - Australia

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 779

You deserved it 31 292

Alone time

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 14:00

Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 309

You deserved it 337

By Fykkhttdsetkkhvln - 26/04/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my neighbors four week old kitten while babysitting their kids. I fell asleep, rolled over, and woke up next to a dead kitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 810

You deserved it 58 172

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 08:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 695

You deserved it 9 178

By Cat Piss - 15/12/2013 16:58 - United States - Lavon

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 687

You deserved it 6 886

Nasty

By What an asshole - 13/01/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, as I crawled into bed and hid under my blanket, I was hit with a very strong and familiar smell. The smell of piss. My cat had peed all over my only blanket. Guess I'll sleep under the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 144

Surprise, wanker!

By pussnboots - 16/07/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 231

No kinkshaming on FML

By Anonymous - 31/07/2013 16:28 - Belgium - Ieper

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 715

You deserved it 9 336

allmidnighteyes 10

Tuesday 20 October 2009 9:41

That's the only, and the youngest pussy you're ever gonna get.

TaterSalad187 5

Tuesday 20 October 2009 14:19

Haha, sorta ironic. Who ever would of thought that pussy would kill a wet dream?

Comments

ZeroIce 12

Monday 22 August 2011 4:28

cantstandit808 2

Saturday 5 May 2012 15:12

LMAO!

candiighal1121 14

Monday 21 May 2012 5:53

Lmfl sorry for your pain but thts cute n funny

cwl727 32

Sunday 6 April 2014 22:50

That is really cute.

samub2121 4

Wednesday 23 April 2014 4:08

She wanted the d!!!

wickedgetz 30

Thursday 4 May 2017 15:16

sounds like you got all clawed up there

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I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 3 680

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I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 238

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I agree, your life sucks 36 372

You deserved it 2 977