Intimacy: Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your...

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 973

You deserved it 8 444

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Same thing different taste

Creepy

By battle1 - 17/07/2015 11:00 - United States - Marietta

Today, my best friend told me he masturbates to my Instagram page. Thanks, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 615

You deserved it 4 386

By WayTooMuchFacebook - 04/02/2012 05:07 - United States

Today, I read some funny scribblings on a wall in the bathroom stall. My first instinct was to "Like" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 131

You deserved it 33 529

DELETE! DELETE!

By Hunter101 - 12/05/2012 04:24 - United States - Humble

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I'd left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 550

You deserved it 64 755

Wanker!

By EmbarrassedBather - 09/06/2019 00:00

Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 064

You deserved it 383

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 275 515

You deserved it 88 421

Odd rejection

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, I found a note on my door that said, "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked." Later, I found another note that said, "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 975

You deserved it 3 915

By Thanks guys - 26/11/2013 05:21 - United States - Richmond

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 043

You deserved it 4 926

By jenpearl - 20/06/2015 01:06 - Australia

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 021

You deserved it 9 209

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 195

You deserved it 4 507

By steph - 13/09/2011 21:40 - China

Today, I found a note on the front door of my flat saying, "You left your keys in your garage door so I put them in your letter box". Guess where my letter box key is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 984

You deserved it 6 660

LlamaFlavoured 24

Saturday 12 November 2011 12:23

Someone's got a stalker...

RecklessJellyBea 7

Saturday 12 November 2011 12:24

Ah, FB. A stalker's library.

Comments

Ltmkilla 1

Thursday 24 November 2011 3:30

bet it was you who wrote it forever alone

sierralovesyou 0

Friday 25 November 2011 7:08

Damn...

johnnyhaha 0

Friday 25 November 2011 22:11

stalkers a girls friend that nobody knows about

whymebaby668 0

Sunday 27 November 2011 0:26

Wow I have nothing to say...

TheRVD420 2

Friday 2 December 2011 5:13

This is quite possibly the greatest FML of all time!

stratto 4

Sunday 1 January 2012 16:51

Like ;) haha

radiariad 0

Sunday 8 January 2012 19:44

Lmfao......this is so funny tht made my day!

chubby_choco 17

Wednesday 18 January 2012 1:43

Well, at least that second writer has a sense of humor.

nickyjp 17

Thursday 19 April 2012 15:04

Maybe put some clothes on

hurrican_fml 0

Friday 29 June 2012 21:32

Looks like someone's just got a stalker

Keywords

Thanksgiving Politics Family Holidays Miscellaneous AITA Transportation Am I overreacting? Cars Suspicious Cheating Contraception Love Pregnancy Scary Christmas Sex Awkward Weddings Singing Embarrassing My ex Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Relatable Mental health Therapy Argument

The Top

Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 568

You deserved it 19 251

Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 359

You deserved it 5 630

The Top

Today, I was trying to scratch off an Xbox gift card. When I started, I heard knocking. I opened the door. No one was there. I went back to scratching the card. Knocking again. No one there. This repeated until the fifth time, when I realized it was my rocking the desk with the repetitive movement of my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 862

Today, my fiancé picked today of all days to have one of his depressive episodes where he can’t even get out of bed. We’re supposed to be getting married in four hours, and his episodes can last over a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 1 113

Today, my wife, who recently had cancer, made an offhand comment that my 30-year-old sister took offense to. Instead of saying something, she went and called our parents. My dad then called and yelled at me for 5 minutes about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 174

Today, I was on Skype with a guy I really like, in the living room. My dad saw that I was on video chat, got undressed, right down to his bright green y-fronts, and then started dancing behind me. My crush saw it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 283

You deserved it 7 333

Today, when my boyfriend said it was time to play with his baby, I figured he was talking about me. He meant his Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 853

You deserved it 8 905

Today, It was pretty nice out, so I decided to walk to work. Not twenty minutes after leaving, it started to pour. I was soaking when I got there and had to change. My boyfriend works next door, so I asked him if he could give me a ride. His reply? "Sorry Babe, I just can't be seen with you like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 638

You deserved it 4 438