Intimacy: Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your... - FML

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 05:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 973

You deserved it 8 444

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Same thing different taste

Creepy

By battle1 - 17/07/2015 11:00 - United States - Marietta

Spicy

Today, my best friend told me he masturbates to my Instagram page. Thanks, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 615

You deserved it 4 386

By WayTooMuchFacebook - 04/02/2012 05:07 - United States

Today, I read some funny scribblings on a wall in the bathroom stall. My first instinct was to "Like" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 131

You deserved it 33 529

DELETE! DELETE!

By Hunter101 - 12/05/2012 04:24 - United States - Humble

Spicy

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I'd left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 550

You deserved it 64 755

Wanker!

By EmbarrassedBather - 09/06/2019 00:00

Spicy

Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 064

You deserved it 383

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 05:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 275 515

You deserved it 88 421

Odd rejection

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, I found a note on my door that said, "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked." Later, I found another note that said, "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 975

You deserved it 3 915

By Thanks guys - 26/11/2013 05:21 - United States - Richmond

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 043

You deserved it 4 926

By jenpearl - 20/06/2015 01:06 - Australia

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 021

You deserved it 9 209

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 195

You deserved it 4 507

By steph - 13/09/2011 21:40 - China

Today, I found a note on the front door of my flat saying, "You left your keys in your garage door so I put them in your letter box". Guess where my letter box key is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 984

You deserved it 6 660

Next

Top comments

LlamaFlavoured 24

Saturday 12 November 2011 12:23

Someone's got a stalker...

RecklessJellyBea 7

Saturday 12 November 2011 12:24

Ah, FB. A stalker's library.

Comments

Horcruxer 0

Sunday 13 November 2011 2:21

Oh at least you're attractive! Uh not necessarily

KallyKal 9

Sunday 13 November 2011 3:22

At least you didn't find it INSIDE your room!

iammenotyoi 4

Sunday 13 November 2011 3:47

At least they find you attractive!

ashleywilson 8

Sunday 13 November 2011 3:48

Thats frickin hilarious!!!

julia_lynn 21

Sunday 13 November 2011 4:03

Yikes, that is super creepy, OP. Like others suggested, make sure all your photos on facebook are private/can only be seen by your friends.

pebbles313 3

Sunday 13 November 2011 4:25

Totally gross.....

gracielacie 0

Sunday 13 November 2011 4:51

thats just weird

Poetaster 10

Sunday 13 November 2011 5:01

Like! A baws.

omgitsmeaja 3

Sunday 13 November 2011 5:01

Creeeeepyyyyy

WeAreScrewed 3

Sunday 13 November 2011 6:46

I ********** to pictures of girls I am very good friends with on Facebook and I'm proud.

Donniehw 5

Sunday 13 November 2011 8:41

Do they know?!? If so you have amazing friends... If not... That's kinda creepy bro... And if your a chick... That's kinda hot.... If your a hot chick that is...

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Keywords

Holidays Miscellaneous Family Thanksgiving Politics Transportation AITA Am I overreacting? Cars Contraception Love Suspicious Cheating Pregnancy Christmas Scary Sex Awkward Weddings Embarrassing Singing My ex Jealousy Friends Health Poopoo peepee Relatable Therapy Mental health Covid

The Top

Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 349

You deserved it 403

Today, during an episode of King of Queens that my boyfriend has seen more than once, I decided I'd try to get a little frisky. I straddled him while he was on the bed and began taking my clothes of. He pushed me out of the way and said, "Don't get naked in front of the TV." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 748

You deserved it 4 499

The Top

Today, after having saved up my money for months to buy my college-bound son the car of his dreams, I got a phone call telling me it had been totalled during a drag-race. I only gave him the keys two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 263

You deserved it 14 126

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 524

You deserved it 5 832

Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 588

You deserved it 2 325

Today, I had to perform with my orchestra at an event. I hadn't eaten at all because I had to get my blood sugar tested. During the middle of a song, I passed out. No one helped me and no one stopped playing, "because the song wasn't over and they didn't want to ruin the performance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 716

You deserved it 6 270

Today, I told my supervisor that I want to do the work I was hired to do, which is Data Engineer. He told me he doesn't have the workload for another data engineer, and needs someone with people skills. He's very happy with the current situation. I left my previous job because of the same problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 99

Today, I got back from a holiday to find that my coworkers had prepared a “Welcome Back!” surprise. I pretended to be excited, only for them to awkwardly whisper that it was intended for another coworker, who was on her way back from maternity leave the same morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 128