Miscellaneous: Today, I found cigarette butts at the bottom of the toaster....

By Macy - 11/06/2011 20:36 - Italy

Today, I found cigarette butts at the bottom of the toaster. My mother has been dropping them in there for I don't know how long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 942

You deserved it 3 375

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Same thing different taste

By alexbobalex - 11/01/2010 07:23 - Aland Islands

Today, my mom found a pack of cigarettes in my pocket. She hates smoking, so she tore every single cigarette to pieces, then emptied a bag of kitty litter on them. On my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 920

You deserved it 57 629

By Anonymous - 20/04/2011 02:21 - United States

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 603

You deserved it 8 666

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 15:30 - United States

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 926

You deserved it 54 303

It's toast

By Crying - 16/04/2017 02:00

Today, I no longer have a toaster. My younger sister put it in the bath because apparently it looked dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 768

You deserved it 369

By anon - 14/01/2013 03:00 - United States - Dublin

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 958

You deserved it 3 679

By Goody2shoes - 21/07/2010 16:08 - India

Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 794

You deserved it 47 147

By thebravelittletoaster - 20/03/2011 20:32 - United Kingdom

Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 362

You deserved it 9 853

Smoking is bad

By ID10t - 10/11/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work; I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 812

You deserved it 53 868

By 12693 - 24/10/2012 17:35 - Australia - Perth

Today, there was a horrible smell in my kitchen. I tried to find the source, but failed and had to leave for the day. That night, my brother informed me that the smell was coming from a dead mouse stuck in our toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 570

You deserved it 2 107

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 04:07 - United States - Mccomb

Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 180

You deserved it 3 527

holagranola 15

Sunday 12 June 2011 0:25

maybe you should explain to her that toasters, are for toast.

The_Weirdo 10

Sunday 12 June 2011 4:01

74. commenting fail?

Comments

GrapeKoolAde 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 8:44

penis

keightlynn 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 10:26

Wouldn't the cigarrette buds catch on fire eventually?? Or burn and you smell them?

crush211 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 16:08

your food must have a lovely taste.

FarSide 22

Sunday 12 June 2011 16:44

If only you could drop the old woman's butt to the bottom of that toaster...

Junebugg707 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 16:48

you mom is a pig!!!!

thetrollyoulike 6

Sunday 12 June 2011 17:16

I can quit eating this toast when I want!!!

Luvmehateme292 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 17:18

Mmm...Nicotine toast. My FAVORITE!!!!

blanquito 1

Sunday 12 June 2011 18:11

does the toast land ash side up or down?

camelcaseftw 1

Sunday 12 June 2011 19:16

at least it wasn't weed. that would be a hell of a toast.

soulfulemo 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 20:39

well weed wouldn't be bad though :P its not even a drug, considering you can get prescription for it

TINY_09 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 19:49

oh man thats hilariousss

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The Top

Today, I am babysitting my niece for the first time. After getting her to go to sleep, I felt a sudden urge to sneeze. My sneezes are loud as hell. Attempts to dampen the sound were unsuccessful. My colossal sneeze scared the bejesus out of her, waking her up again, and now she's afraid of me. What do I do now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 121

Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 849

You deserved it 83 220

The Top

Today, I was naked, still deciding what to wear, when the doorbell rang. I grabbed the closest thing to cover up with: my Snuggie. I answered the door, it was kids asking for donations. Without thinking, I turned around to grab my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 452

You deserved it 33 918

Today, all I wanted after a bad week was a takeaway. We had a few houseguests, plus my wife and kids, so the order was on the large side. When it came, the order was perfect, except mine. The only things they forgot were my starter, my main, my side order, and my dessert. Everything else was perfect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 99

Today, I was in a public restroom when the girl in the stall next to me started asking me how I was doing. Thinking it was weird but not wanting to be rude, I answered her questions. Halfway though our conversation she said: "Hold on, the girl in the stall next to me thinks I'm talking to her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 88

Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 611

You deserved it 3 768

Today, my wife was giving me a blowjob when I foolishly asked her how she got so good at giving them. She looked straight into my eyes and replied, "Practising on about six guys before you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 649

You deserved it 22 491

Today, I called a possible employer I had an interview with about a week ago to see if I had got the job that I have already been trained for. Her response? "Are you sure I interviewed you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 545

You deserved it 3 044

Same thing different taste

It's toast

Smoking is bad

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