Miscellaneous: Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His... - FML

By Thanks Honey - 05/06/2013 15:08 - United States

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 605

You deserved it 5 196

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Same thing different taste

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 929

You deserved it 6 528

By Anonymous - 10/06/2013 01:52 - United States

Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 700

You deserved it 7 927

By Susan - 28/02/2012 11:55 - Canada

Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 958

You deserved it 6 841

Family portrait

By Anonymous - 01/07/2024 00:00 - United States - Goose Creek

Today, my husband left our bedroom to go turn the thermostat down in the hall. I let out the smelliest fart, so bad that I had to blame it on our baby. He laughed and said, "I leave for one second and come back and it smells like a sewer in here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 504

By ThisIsMyLife - 04/06/2017 04:00

Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 562

You deserved it 1 618

Hot air

By SuperSleuth - 07/10/2021 11:01 - United States - Miami

Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 352

By byebyeromance - 26/08/2014 01:03 - United States - State College

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 316

You deserved it 5 073

The runs

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 04:58

Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 530

Clenched

By Lovergirl - 01/01/2010 20:23 - United States

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 799

You deserved it 3 945

Chemical warfare

By Anonymous - 12/07/2024 21:00 - Canada - Terrace

Today, while sitting on the couch with my husband, I farted quietly. Not a big deal, except it's hot out and our fan was blowing in his face, and it stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 430

Next

Top comments

JessBassett 24

Wednesday 5 June 2013 19:19

That's cute..

permannator 10

Wednesday 5 June 2013 19:21

Go into the bathroom and clean the toilet with his toothbrush then be like "this isn't what it looks like"

Comments

Missy_Mom_49 4

Saturday 8 June 2013 14:05

Your husband is Peter Griffin.

tuckit 28

Sunday 9 June 2013 23:04

This is exactly what it looks like!

chuckcloninger 12

Wednesday 12 June 2013 7:33

I'm curious. Exactly what was it then?

JoseIsAdork 31

Monday 26 August 2013 7:54

sorry op, but id be lying if I said I didn't laugh hysterically

BeautyBaby099 18

Saturday 7 September 2013 19:18

Yum

thebritishpotato 2

Sunday 8 June 2014 20:19

Anyone else go to The Big Bang Theory?

trevorboii 12

Wednesday 7 January 2015 20:04

this is by far one of the most hillarious posts on fml

IHaveThePower 16

Friday 1 July 2022 4:36

FML really needs an 'I married a dumbass' category. Also, congrats to your husband, he should be the one to do all the bedding laundry now to make sure everything's clean...

Hangryko 31

Monday 3 April 2023 21:46

I hope you left that manchild.

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The Top

Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. because my throat was swelling up. I called 911 and they determined that I would live, so I took two Benadryl and slept all day. Then I went to urgent care for my scheduled appointment time and tested positive for Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 215

Today, I’ve been getting a lot of strange messages from guys on the dating site I use, then I realised why: on my profile pic I'm sat down and you can see my nice underwear up my skirt. That explains the messages, they thought I was trolling for men to hump and dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 991

The Top

Today, I was running late for work. To save time, I grabbed my belt on my way out the door and was putting it on in the elevator, which stopped at the next floor before I had put my belt all the way on. A hot girl stepped into the elevator, looked at my undone belt, screamed "Ew" and got off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 633

You deserved it 10 561

Today, my mum sat me down for a serious talk about not being home enough - not because she misses me, but because the family cat needs more stability in her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 615

You deserved it 2 749

Today, my nose was really stuffy. I heard somewhere that inhaling tea steam clears up the nose. While reading a magazine I inhaled my cup of green tea steam, without knowing that slowly I was moving my cup closer to my nose. Hot tea was sucked into my left nostril and burned the inside badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 095

You deserved it 35 906

Today, since my most recent breakup, I haven’t had sex in almost a year but I’m too afraid to just jump on Tinder for a hookup, because I had to move back into my parents' spare room, and I can’t be bringing a woman back for sex on a fold-out futon with mom and dad in the next bedroom. FML

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You deserved it 402

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 043

You deserved it 5 237

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 424

You deserved it 14 013