By Dontwaketheneighbors - 06/12/2012 14:24 - United States - Santee

Spicy
Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML
I agree, your life sucks 40 750
You deserved it 4 582
Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…
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Top comments

challan 19

I can't help but wonder if she was in pain...

385 15
LolFMLnot 10

That means you are doing a great job or you are doing it all wrong

264 5

Comments

CallmeRyuzaki 0

Nothing better than a screamer in bed. Would you prefer a chick that is completely silent?

10 19
MissMae93 23

16 - I would take silence over being murdered by a rusty fork any day.

34 4
perdix 29

Do you do a lot of fork-murdering that you can distinguish the pained cries of your victim based on the oxidation of your weapon? Sounds like a rare talent.

113 7
tsent8 15

You acquire this talent after several years in the business.....I would know.

7 5
loserman67 35

As long as she's not screaming, "STOP, NO, HELP POLICE" you're doing fine. Chicks that scream and moan are a turn on. Congrats!

37 4
sens3sfailing 24

Well he said it normally would be a turn on, but since it isn't. I can only imagine the noises.

0 2
Hiphuray4peas 27

Interesting choice of reason for the type of screaming. Makes me wonder what someone being murdered with a rusty fork sounds like.

13 2
Dracoboxer357 35

19- *Passes you an old Alanis Morrisette CD* Here, play this at 110 dB and 2x speed, curiosity solved. ;P

20 1
klovemachine 24

*listens to CD*...*ears bleeding*

1 1
ManInTheMachine 19

That's why you don't use cutlery as ******.

32 5
TurquoiseJesus 15

But a steak knife works so well. They'll be cuming till they pass out or otherwise stop making noise. Either way, it's a win-win.

7 24
lelo007 11

33- I kind of want to have you evaluated by a psychologist for that comment.

45 1
tsent8 15

Don't worry I was a psych major before I dropped out. So did your parents act umm strangely around you in your early life?

5 0
TurquoiseJesus 15

Well I'm failing to see the issue here. Lelo, get your boyfriend to do it to you, and it will all become clear.

2 3
SkoomaKi 27

Or sounds like being electrocuted. Nick name her "thunderfuck".

16 4
tsent8 15

Simple 95 it is a pronged instrument bearing resemblance to a trident often used for eating. Rusted refers to the process of oxidation in which a chemical change is made to iron to form iron oxide or rust. If the fork is made out of iron it could very easily rust depending on how well this fork killer of ours maintains it.

10 0
CharresBarkrey 15

152 - Oh, NOW I get it! Jeez, why didn't you just say that, 95? ;)

3 1
jdmur 6

Yo princessfairy I know what a rusty fork is, I just didn't get why OP used that as his description. But some another way to describe a rusty fork is pointy!

2 1
fistnazal 10

I once had the same experience... She was a red head... And she actually did want a fork in her? Except she kept calling it a "dinglehopper"?... And she was really obsessed with my feet and my legs for some reason...?

76 4
Dracoboxer357 35

26- I can't believe I understood a Little Mermaid reference on FML. That's about as a bad as a Star Trek analogy I made earlier. ;) (Who am I kidding, my analogy as far worse....) ;p

33 3
Soloman212 28

38, shouldn't have said anything.... That was extraordinarily clever, and you ruined it for any later commenters.

15 5
Dracoboxer357 35

48- You're quite right, my apologies to all. *Bows head in shame.*

9 2
gracehi 31

Thank you, 38. I would have been one of the people to leave "WHAAAAAAT????" reply. I didn't get it at first, but when I read your reply, I was like, "OOOOOOOOOOH."

27 2
Metallica36176 16

Yeah 55/38 I'm glad you put that. I finally realized after it. Dont apologize. Its been years since I've seen "The Little Mermaid" so it wouldve taken me a minute. Not to mention, if it wasnt for your comment I don't think that many people wouldve thumbed him/her up unless they understood the reference completely which some people (like 2 on this little thread) need alittle help on. (which your comment did)

6 2
fistnazal 10

Draco- haha yes, I realized the risk I was taking. I thought for sure the fml world was going to give me death by thumb. Glad you got it mate ;). And miss Metallica, although I am not offended by any means.. I didn't realize I looked so feminine?? Lol. I prefeeeer.. "it"

3 1
fistnazal 10

Although... I do have my nose pierced... : / *gasp!*

4 1
Enslaved 36

101, HitMeWithMusic, I'm on the app and many times-- everything pops up "except the picture". It can be difficult to tell by some people's names their gender. I sometimes reply to comments without knowing who I'm speaking to. Also, when you enter your profile, the title is blank. You could have been a girl showing off her cute boyfriend in her picture for all we know. (:

4 2
starcrossddream 14

Is it bad that I didn't even have to read the full comment before my Disney bells were ringing?

2 1