Love: Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter...

By Allergic - 24/01/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 364

You deserved it 3 457

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 966

You deserved it 3 987

Quick thinking

By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 00:04 - United States - Mount Jackson

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 455

You deserved it 2 011

Call the cops!

By epipen life - 10/03/2019 16:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 609

You deserved it 234

By djshahso - 26/02/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 669

You deserved it 46 989

By Anonymous - 05/06/2015 01:07 - United States - Elkhart

Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 832

You deserved it 2 134

By JessMelodique - 14/12/2016 03:01

Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 231

You deserved it 737

By peanutprobs - 31/10/2014 21:12 - Germany - Bochum

Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 891

You deserved it 3 337

Kinda sus, dude

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 20:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind, "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 209

You deserved it 5 198

Is this a joke?

By Anonymous - 19/08/2020 23:02

Today, I told my wife if she wanted to get a divorce, she just had to get a cat since I'm deathly allergic. She got two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 476

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 07:18 - United States - American Canyon

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 705

You deserved it 7 409

cradle6 13

Tuesday 24 January 2012 22:06

That's...incredibly bitchy

DanLikesDodge 5

Tuesday 24 January 2012 22:10

It's peanut butter-jelly time!!!

Comments

catmcross 7

Tuesday 24 January 2012 23:00

your wife is a bitch, you should find something she hates and do it everything you see her eating a pb&j sandwich.

KiddNYC1O 20

Tuesday 24 January 2012 23:00

A divorce is in order.

TheDrummingResul 0

Tuesday 24 January 2012 23:06

Your wife is a stupid ****.

Yourheadache 19

Tuesday 24 January 2012 23:08

tell her thats shes kinda getting fat for all the peanut butter ;) so you dont want to have sex with her

littlecityof 3

Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:42

The right kind of pb actually isn't bad for you. Just sayin

Yourheadache 19

Friday 27 January 2012 8:01

Ooohh yeah.... Wait what??

kendraexismoore 0

Tuesday 24 January 2012 23:11

You must be a badddd kissser

kendraexismoore 0

Tuesday 24 January 2012 23:12

What time is it.?! Penut butta jelly,penut butta jellyi

amanda920 10

Tuesday 24 January 2012 23:13

I think it's time for a new wife...just sayinnn.

hateevryone 14

Tuesday 24 January 2012 23:19

that's just stupid. find someone who's not afraid to kiss you. that'll show her.

twilightluvr101 4

Tuesday 24 January 2012 23:27

Sounds like such a happy marriage!

Fmlsea 28

Tuesday 24 January 2012 23:31

next time she wants you to go down on her ,put peanut butter on there then walk away see how much she will like her peanut better then haha .

j_cat187 19

Wednesday 25 January 2012 15:49

logic?

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Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did I remembered there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper; he never did, and came out without socks. FML

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Today, I tried to talk to my teenage son about healthy masculinity. He said, "Yeah Mom, I know. Lift weights and eat red meat and fish. Can I go?" Not what I meant at all. FML

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend planned our day, she wanted to play FIFA before having sex. I won 11-0. She stormed out of the room, went home and isn't picking my calls / texting back. It's been 12 hours. FML

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Today, two years after my toxic and self-centered ex-wife left me, I got remarried, but I feel like it broke my trust in people, which I used to. I now feel I don’t do enough for my present; I do better than most and have got more than average people, but I'm still too hurt and depressed to be normal. FML

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Today, my son was booted out of the army after one week for laziness, giving attitude to his training sergeant, sheer bloody stupidity, and asking the man who ran the on base shop if he could score weed anywhere on base. Even the army can’t sort out this asshole I gave birth to. FML

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Today, my boss called me into his office. He then fired me. Upset, I asked him, "Well, who's gonna replace me?" His answer was, "I don't know and don't care. Everyone who works here hates you. Now go away." FML

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Today, I was driving up to a Four Seasons, not to stay, but to attend a work event that was already paid for. I did look a little out of place in my Toyota Corolla amongst the luxury SUVs, but was nonplussed when a man came up to me, knocked on my window, and said, "The Motel 6 is over there." FML

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Today, I was denied a waitressing job at a local diner I have been going to for years. Due to the fact that my name is Julia. They already have a waitress there named Julie. Apparently, I would "create too much confusion." FML

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