Sex, Wanker and Intimacy: Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors....

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asked, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouted, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 060

You deserved it 11 814

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

What a jerk!

By traumatized house keeper - 08/09/2017 13:00 - Germany - Munster

Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 472

You deserved it 427

Get in there!

By Menareidiots - 24/02/2009 23:32 - United States

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 816

You deserved it 22 722

By Arizonagirl - 06/11/2016 07:31 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 318

You deserved it 840

By anonymous - 08/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Noblesville

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 131

You deserved it 3 368

Screwing

By ThanksMom - 26/03/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 597

You deserved it 9 210

By Eeeek - 26/08/2010 21:17 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 128

You deserved it 52 910

Great

By Jordan - 10/08/2018 14:00 - United States - Boulder

Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I'm into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 994

You deserved it 196

By lonelyguy321 - 27/07/2010 14:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 269

You deserved it 16 594

Perfect?

By NeverGonnaGetAny - 23/02/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 789

You deserved it 24 045

By awkward O_o - 24/04/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 799

You deserved it 4 923

bipolarchipmunk 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:24

you should have said "**** you bitch, I'm right handed!"

ohhboyy 0

Monday 23 March 2009 23:25

slap him in the face with ur left hand see how he likes it

Comments

wallythedolly 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 0:24

That girl is a little bitch, but all high schoolers are.

may_cause_fail 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 0:26

High schoolers are dicks. Trust me. :] But you should have told them that only ****** have threesomes. :D

meggles315 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 0:30

Haha tough crowd, sorry to hear that

Gringo_fml 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 0:31

Should asked them if they wanted to be the first to have a threesome with you THEN it would be a REAL FML

ZiggyMorrison 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 0:36

nononono you guys have it all wrong you should been like "well actually I use my left hand to fingerbang your mother my right hand to stroke my own rocket"