School, Roommate and Awkward: Great

Great

By Jordan - 10/08/2018 14:00 - United States - Boulder

Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I'm into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 993

You deserved it 195

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Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

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Same thing different taste

Scheduling

By Anonymous - 20/07/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 231

You deserved it 4 226

Gagging for it

By Anonymous - 20/02/2023 14:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 264

By mrboston - 01/09/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 646

You deserved it 43 239

Nice to put a face to the screaming!

By dormlyfe - 24/09/2015 02:23 - United States - Moraga

Today, I met new people at my dorm, only to find they already knew me because they listen to my boyfriend and me have sex all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 036

You deserved it 22 897

By jkin47 - 04/08/2010 01:44 - United States

Today, I moved into my new college apartment for the next year. A 45 year old guy with a mustache in short shorts and no shirt answers the door. He will be one of my roommates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 673

You deserved it 4 043

By simon - 23/07/2009 22:09 - Canada

Today, I moved into university residence, looking forward to finally being able to come out of the closet. I started chatting with the hot guy moving in next door to me. He said I was cool, and he was glad because he was afraid he'd be living next to a gay guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 225

You deserved it 11 210

By idontwanttoknow - 16/06/2013 11:37 - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 117

You deserved it 6 917

By awkward O_o - 24/04/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 798

You deserved it 4 923

By SleepyKirsty - 09/06/2009 13:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 752

You deserved it 5 717

Roommates from hell

By Anonymous - 09/11/2022 04:00

Today, my roommate is super comfortable around me. Comfortable to masturbate while we are in the same room. I asked him to stop, which took some self-control because I wanted to shout at him. He said he needs to do it because of his shin splints. Whatever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 204

ajh1800 25

Friday 10 August 2018 22:30

At least he's more considerate than that guy who walked around naked jerking off all over the floor...

fjvitt 14

Friday 10 August 2018 22:04

Maybe you’ll think he’s just singing...

Comments

fjvitt 14

Friday 10 August 2018 22:04

Maybe you’ll think he’s just singing...

Charlie Given 26

Friday 10 August 2018 22:15

Just be like sorry I sleep walk when I hear strange noises and will start singing and dancing to polka music very loudly 🙄😂

ajh1800 25

Friday 10 August 2018 22:30

At least he's more considerate than that guy who walked around naked jerking off all over the floor...

Glowworm56 26

Friday 10 August 2018 22:32

Hey, at least he's honest.

real life problems 26

Friday 10 August 2018 23:41

That's unrealistic, no man can go a year

QueenAfrodite 8

Saturday 11 August 2018 0:35

Lol dorm life. Thin walls. Lots of sex noises and masterbating roommates.

BurnInDemonFire 34

Saturday 11 August 2018 2:08

The three worst sounds you can ever hear: Nails on a chalkboard, cutlery scraping across porcelain, and Self-love Steve fapping away to the most recent PornHub updates.

boopingsnoot 24

Saturday 11 August 2018 4:57

Step One: Put on some inoffensive music on speakers. Maybe some early Beatles? Step Two: Watch the **** with the headphones on. Step Three: ??? Step Four: Avoid homicide. (Alternatively, OP could start yelling words of encouragement when roomie gets noisy. “Yeah! You tell that dick who’s boss!”)