Kids: Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy...

By Gumfanatic302 - 07/05/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 142

You deserved it 3 190

Halloween: Terror and Laughter
Discover stories that combine fright and humor for an unforgettably funny Halloween. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 00:45 - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 422

You deserved it 40 001

By auraya1985 - 12/09/2015 21:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 353

You deserved it 1 888

By Bad Mommy - 21/06/2012 05:40 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 325

You deserved it 9 432

By mandybar15 - 14/12/2012 23:52 - United States - Norman

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 274

You deserved it 6 689

Nostradamus

By Clueless - 14/05/2011 23:35 - United States

Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago, my 4 year-old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 597

You deserved it 4 437

Just a prank, again

By momaaa1342 - 21/10/2013 03:51 - United States - Elmwood

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 721

You deserved it 3 605

By Jess - 30/05/2009 12:48 - United States

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 369

You deserved it 71 859

By Rae - 30/07/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 448

You deserved it 4 490

Mystery man

By LifeSucks - 29/10/2008 11:57 - Canada

Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 708

You deserved it 3 981

Dirty mind

By Anonymous - 27/10/2012 19:28 - Germany - Nuremberg

Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 575

You deserved it 38 618

fleamo_fml 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 9:20

And you're POSITIVE she meant 'puter?

aerials_fml 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 9:16

Ah, that's pretty funny. Pretty awkward too. FYL.

Comments

Funnybunny1992 0

Friday 15 January 2010 23:32

Lmao thts funny

NatandAlexrhot 6

Wednesday 10 March 2010 4:28

lollll wow XD

atomicgurl18 3

Wednesday 31 March 2010 5:41

wow that realli sucks..let them believe what they want haha..hey exuse for moving

glitterbabe224 0

Wednesday 19 May 2010 5:18

oohhlala. funnyyyyyy(:

sarahbella101 7

Monday 9 May 2011 6:16

what kinda name is mindy???

hateevryone 14

Sunday 17 July 2011 0:34

that's kinda funny. you should teach your kid to pronounce things properly

ifetayo 2

Wednesday 24 August 2011 20:54

that is super funny. but hopefully once you explain, people will go away. if not, **** em

missbadluk 0

Sunday 18 September 2011 22:24

Omfg! Fyour husbandsL!!!

dtgr02 4

Saturday 30 June 2012 18:45

Find out the truth first better be safe than sorry later

BTR_lover 1

Monday 16 July 2012 3:52

I wonder how they would have taken it if you just went along with it? o.O

Keywords

Animals Cats Gross Health Relatable Poopoo peepee Parents Creepy Kids Scary Mental health Miscellaneous Cold weather Embarrassing Love Dating Tinder Cute Work Transportation Cops Awkward Crush Sports Teachers Education AITA Weddings Public freakouts Mother in law

The Top

Today, our son fell asleep with his iPad playing some sort of annoying beeping noise from one of his games. We can hear it in our room and it’s just annoying enough that neither of us can sleep. The iPad is under his body, so if I try to get it he WILL wake up and WON’T go back to sleep tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 584

Today, I got in an argument with my boss and I dared him to fire me because he has always said he couldn’t run the shop without me. Turns out he was just being nice all this time, my job could in fact be done by his 14 year-old niece with no training in two thirds the time. Yes, he fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 1 784

The Top

Today, I overheard a co-worker tell the new guy not to talk to me because I'm a bitch. Apparently, she didn't like it when I told her two weeks ago that she had a drinking problem, which was affecting her work ethic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 250

Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 040

You deserved it 3 694

Today, it is my boyfriend's and my one year anniversary. I bought him a Playstation 2. As soon as I gave it to him, he went straight to set it up without giving me anything. I said "What about me?" He walked over to me, gave me a kiss and said "I love it when you buy me things for no reason." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 340

You deserved it 7 416

Today, I realized I'm so desperate for money that I started to watch Breaking Bad to learn how to make meth. I stopped, not because I decided it was a bad idea, but because it looks too hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 107

You deserved it 29 534

Today, I'm the only person in my company with almost zero chance of contracting COVID, because I literally have no social life. I'm also the only employee who has to get a COVID test every single day. Yay logic! FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 392

Today, my future husband presented me with an engagement ring he had had engraved with the pet name he calls his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 418

You deserved it 1 071