Intimacy: Today, I got a text from a call girl. She asked me to delete...

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By titkip - 02/04/2016 00:30 - Kenya - Nairobi

Today, I got a text from a call girl. She asked me to delete her number because I'm too demanding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 771

You deserved it 9 586

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Same thing different taste

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By whyme - 08/12/2010 06:26

Today, feeling so depressed to the point of having suicidal thoughts, I texted a girl I had a crush on. Her response? "Can you please delete my number, you're getting annoying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 519

You deserved it 19 801

Spiteful

By Anonymous - 04/11/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I sent my mom a text to tell her about my promotion at work. She responded with, "Who is this?" It turns out that she deleted my number, because I "never call." FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 176

By SeeBrendenBurn - 21/11/2009 08:28 - United States

Today, I went to a rock concert and met this amazing girl. We started talking and then swapped cell numbers. Five minutes later, she asks to see my cellphone, so I gave it to her. Once I got home I went to text her and saw that she deleted her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 798

You deserved it 5 682

Good one, thanks

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I woke up to 70 new text messages and 100 calls, all from numbers I didn't know. The night before I got into a heated argument with my old best friend about who was prettier. She got mad and posted my number on Craigslist as a prostitute. Apparently I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 575

You deserved it 23 966

By vegeta - 24/12/2018 20:00

Today, I’ve been getting sexy messages from an unknown number. First I told her to stop multiple times, then I blocked her. I can only assume that she changed her number and managed to find me and message me again. My girlfriend saw the messages and told me flatly “It’s over.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 004

You deserved it 219

Not you

By Anonymous - 15/01/2012 06:24 - United States

Today, this girl I liked made her Facebook status "Nobody texts me anymore, message me numbers?" I commented that I texted her. She deleted it and changed it to "Nobody that I care about texts me anymore, message me numbers?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 130

You deserved it 4 013

Party animal

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 16:58

Today, I got this beautiful girl's number at a bar. After the night was over, I was pretty drunk and sent too many drunk Snapchats. When I'd sobered up, I deleted them. She asked why I deleted them, so I said because I was drunk and didn't remember what I sent. She hasn't messaged me back since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 1 344

By anthony - 25/11/2015 12:32 - Luxembourg

Today, a cute girl I know in passing approached me very nervously and blushing like mad. She gave me a note with a number on it, said to call her, then ran away. When I called the number later, it was one of those rejection hotlines. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 252

You deserved it 1 887

By anonymous - 22/11/2009 20:23 - United States

Today, I got a text from a woman containing many naked pictures of her. Apparently she meant to send those to her boyfriend whose number is one digit from mine. The bad part? My girlfriend was using my phone when I received that message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 684

You deserved it 2 993

New saying just dropped

By Evan - 10/10/2022 15:30 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend demanded that I delete all my female friends' numbers. Her rationale is, “When them bitches are going through some shit, a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on.” When I refused, she promptly dumped me because she doesn’t "need a potential cheater” in her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 220

Welshite 39

Saturday 2 April 2016 14:49

Maybe you shouldn't ask call girls to slather themselves in mayonnaise and hop on one leg while hooting like an owl.

tranced_ 45

Saturday 2 April 2016 14:53

This FML has so many issues !

Comments

peckerbeak22 14

Tuesday 5 April 2016 3:51

Are you Glenn Quagmire by any chance?

cho_bee 9

Monday 6 June 2016 5:06

I'd post that on my FB!

toxicLover28 19

Thursday 9 February 2017 19:15

What is this have to do with intimacy?

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The Top

Today, I was helping a couple come up with a name for the baby they just had. I suggested "Joshua" thinking that it was an okay name. All sudden, the room got quiet. Turns out I had forgotten that Joshua was the name of their 3 year-old son who had died a couple months before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 219

You deserved it 87 123

Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 408

You deserved it 10 470

The Top

Today, I accidentally bit so hard on my fork that I cracked my tooth. FML

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You deserved it 248

Sometimes all you can do is sit back and let them get it out of their systems.

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 110

Today, I sat on the kitchen counter in my boxers for ten minutes running my feet under hot water. Why? Because my dad thought it would be funny to superglue my feet together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 611

You deserved it 3 178

Today, the girl I had a crush on for the past few months called me and wanted to tell me something. Excited, I agreed and we went out to dinner. She wanted to tell me she had been secretly seeing 'someone' for the past six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 299

You deserved it 3 702

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 747

You deserved it 20 110

Today, I must've misinterpreted the waitress when she said, "First come, first served." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 87