Intimacy: Today, I got a text from a call girl. She asked me to delete... - FML

By titkip - 02/04/2016 00:30 - Kenya - Nairobi

Spicy

Today, I got a text from a call girl. She asked me to delete her number because I'm too demanding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 768

You deserved it 9 574

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Help

By whyme - 08/12/2010 06:26

Today, feeling so depressed to the point of having suicidal thoughts, I texted a girl I had a crush on. Her response? "Can you please delete my number, you're getting annoying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 510

You deserved it 19 794

By SeeBrendenBurn - 21/11/2009 08:28 - United States

Today, I went to a rock concert and met this amazing girl. We started talking and then swapped cell numbers. Five minutes later, she asks to see my cellphone, so I gave it to her. Once I got home I went to text her and saw that she deleted her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 789

You deserved it 5 679

Good one, thanks

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 13:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to 70 new text messages and 100 calls, all from numbers I didn't know. The night before I got into a heated argument with my old best friend about who was prettier. She got mad and posted my number on Craigslist as a prostitute. Apparently I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 562

You deserved it 23 961

By vegeta - 24/12/2018 20:00

Today, I’ve been getting sexy messages from an unknown number. First I told her to stop multiple times, then I blocked her. I can only assume that she changed her number and managed to find me and message me again. My girlfriend saw the messages and told me flatly “It’s over.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 996

You deserved it 217

Not you

By Anonymous - 15/01/2012 06:24 - United States

Today, this girl I liked made her Facebook status "Nobody texts me anymore, message me numbers?" I commented that I texted her. She deleted it and changed it to "Nobody that I care about texts me anymore, message me numbers?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 108

You deserved it 4 006

Party animal

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 16:58

Today, I got this beautiful girl's number at a bar. After the night was over, I was pretty drunk and sent too many drunk Snapchats. When I'd sobered up, I deleted them. She asked why I deleted them, so I said because I was drunk and didn't remember what I sent. She hasn't messaged me back since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 1 332

By anthony - 25/11/2015 12:32 - Luxembourg

Today, a cute girl I know in passing approached me very nervously and blushing like mad. She gave me a note with a number on it, said to call her, then ran away. When I called the number later, it was one of those rejection hotlines. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 240

You deserved it 1 887

By anonymous - 22/11/2009 20:23 - United States

Today, I got a text from a woman containing many naked pictures of her. Apparently she meant to send those to her boyfriend whose number is one digit from mine. The bad part? My girlfriend was using my phone when I received that message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 668

You deserved it 2 990

New saying just dropped

By Evan - 10/10/2022 15:30 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend demanded that I delete all my female friends' numbers. Her rationale is, “When them bitches are going through some shit, a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on.” When I refused, she promptly dumped me because she doesn’t "need a potential cheater” in her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 219

By Nykole McAllister - 15/09/2018 17:30 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was talking to a nice guy on a dating app and we exchanged numbers. Later, I got a call. It was his wife asking me to stop talking to her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 110

You deserved it 282

Next

Top comments

Welshite 39

Saturday 2 April 2016 14:49

Maybe you shouldn't ask call girls to slather themselves in mayonnaise and hop on one leg while hooting like an owl.

tranced_ 45

Saturday 2 April 2016 14:53

This FML has so many issues !

Comments

Welshite 39

Saturday 2 April 2016 14:49

Maybe you shouldn't ask call girls to slather themselves in mayonnaise and hop on one leg while hooting like an owl.

krazy789 28

Saturday 2 April 2016 16:39

But that's the best though

Welshite 39

Saturday 2 April 2016 16:47

I've been blacklisted by most call girls at this point. The mayonnaise is my favorite too. It's what I get for misunderstanding "condoms" as "condiments".

PhoenixChick 26

Saturday 2 April 2016 20:11

Try switching to Miracle Whip. A call girl just isn't a call girl without the tangy zip of miracle whip! I need therapy.

IamHM 14

Saturday 2 April 2016 22:43

Best. comment. ever! In ANY context.

juggalo2 20

Sunday 3 April 2016 2:47

Who is in to that? Who???

tranced_ 45

Saturday 2 April 2016 14:53

This FML has so many issues !

trulypar 34

Saturday 2 April 2016 14:55

I guess now she's a "no call" girl.

Nyattack 14

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:08

Wow... I'm wondering what kind of person you must be.

Dick_diamond 22

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:10

You need help, dude..

stingray112 24

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:19

It's rlly weird how u say "a girl" and not "my friend" or something

robbiemad 7

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:33

You need to google CALL GIRL

domolovesyoshi 33

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:51

Do you not know what a CALL GIRL is?

joeyl2008 29

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:54

A "call girl" is a hooker.

nwwaverider 14

Saturday 2 April 2016 18:21

No call girls are not hookers, hookers a cheaper usually around $5 to 50 bucks depends on the amount of stds and the last time she has showered call girls on the other hand are classy legal and cost a lot more and don't give as good of bj's because of all the teeth.

stingray112 24

Saturday 2 April 2016 19:44

Yeah my b I didn't see the call the first time I read it. Makes better Sense now thanks

lulinator 40

Saturday 2 April 2016 22:15

#25. Best description ever.

ulissey_fml 22

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:34

This gives **** blocked quite a new meaning...

rosha267 21

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:35

Consider this your wake up call

PrincessZelda_HR 22

Sunday 3 April 2016 4:49

More of a wake up lack-of-call.

themermaid_a 14

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:36

Is there some backstory that I'm missing with this?

CogadhTallon 16

Saturday 2 April 2016 17:20

Dropped by a call girl. I think it's safe to play "fill in the blank" here.

joeyl2008 29

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:56

Just go to backpages.com and find a new one.

Keywords

Coworkers Work Animals Dogs Transportation Cars Miscellaneous Photography Art Videos Love Awkward Health Money Scams My ex Sex Family Healthy Lifestyle AITA Am I overreacting? Babies Kids Sleep Mental health Parents Cheating Break-ups Social Media Friends

The Top

Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 358

Today, I asked my girlfriend of six months to be honest and tell me why she didn't give me a chance at first, two years ago when I first asked her out. I guess I shouldn't have asked, because her response was, "At first I wasn't digging you that hard, but the guys I liked didn't have your personality." FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 439

The Top

Today, I got invited to a big upperclassmen party that underclassmen don't normally get invited to. I was feeling really good when I got there and saw that the girl I'm in love with was there. They stole my pants and gave me a swirly. Her reaction was to post pictures on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 558

You deserved it 6 121

Today, I had Botox injections to stop my face sweating so much. Now the sweat is almost gone, but my facial expression seems to be stuck on "baffled." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 447

You deserved it 36 886

Today, to add to the pointlessness of my existence, not only have I been rejected from the Army, the Air Force, and the Navy, I received a rejection notice from the Army Reserves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 231

Today, I was told that I was no longer being considered for the Prison Officer job I have been interviewed for, because a social media check showed I had liked a picture of drugs, so my character is inappropriate. I thought it was a picture of candy. I've never even tried weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 984

You deserved it 2 242

Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 858

You deserved it 6 236

Today, I'm still waiting for my current job, which gaslit me in various ways for a year, to acknowledge my month's notice. My new job starts in 3 weeks. I'm genuinely not sure if my (ex) managers and HR are all on furlough, or if they're just fucking with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 105