Miscellaneous: Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should...

By LonerCow - 20/01/2012 15:15 - United States

Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 629

You deserved it 11 649

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Same thing different taste

By Nucleus - 08/10/2015 13:48 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I complained about being bored to death on Facebook. Someone took it as a suicide threat and called the police. They showed up at my apartment and my workplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 270

You deserved it 3 472

By Phill1188 - 16/09/2018 03:30

Today, I got locked in an old woman's garage for an hour when she forgot I was looking at the car for sale. When I got home, I told my mom and jokingly said, "First time I have been kidnapped!" Without hesitation she said, "Well, that makes it the third time." I had no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 023

You deserved it 212

By Anonymous - 20/08/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, I was on the toilet, when my Mom thought it would be a fun idea to barge in, take a picture of me, post it on Facebook, and tag me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 541

You deserved it 4 396

By anoymus - 31/05/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 950

You deserved it 3 278

Clout chasing

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, to give the illusion that I have friends, I wrote an outrageous status on Facebook, and then pretended it was the result of a friend hacking my page, all in the hope that it would get comments, likes, or at least some attention. Nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 588

You deserved it 47 236

Reset my life

By Username - 17/05/2011 04:05

Today, I updated my Facebook status as, "Lost all my contacts, need numbers". My mom commented, "Her phone didn't get reset, she just doesn't have any friends." Her comment got 32 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 162

You deserved it 8 703

By Death By Parent - 19/07/2014 22:38 - United States

Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 950

You deserved it 7 926

By Noname - 14/03/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 042

You deserved it 82 009

By Anonymous - 11/02/2014 16:09 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 914

You deserved it 8 797

By gonavybeatarmy - 31/05/2012 05:28 - United States - San Diego

Today, I almost got kidnapped. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 659

You deserved it 4 986

shrimpygymnast 9

Friday 20 January 2012 18:47

call her a cow. thats an insult from where i am from in england

Fiskerz 0

Friday 20 January 2012 18:53

Pretty sure it's a insult everywhere.. Go to the gym!

Comments

Tvolsfan325 13

Friday 20 January 2012 21:15

Damn she told you. But your mom is bitch though.

chels1994 11

Friday 20 January 2012 21:16

That's a bit far in my opinion...

Dommon 7

Friday 20 January 2012 21:28

moo?

Argenisjose 9

Friday 20 January 2012 21:33

Damn momma got jokes

ImaniBabii 0

Friday 20 January 2012 21:38

Damn your mom's hardcore!

dirtroadmopar 0

Friday 20 January 2012 21:42

you never add your parents on facebook!

chels1994 11

Friday 20 January 2012 22:00

I added mine on Facebook.... o_o

Epikouros 31

Friday 20 January 2012 21:55

YDI for being bored. You were boring yourself, OP. You shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you.

fmltothetop 4

Friday 20 January 2012 22:01

Well tell her u can't call her a cow cause meat is too expensive and it would be too much of an insult to all the cows out there ;)

general58 2

Friday 20 January 2012 22:03

a fatty trying to be cute and funny...surprise, surprise

THE_A_TEEN 27

Saturday 21 January 2012 1:02

An anonymous ass-wipe trying to be funny by making fun of people bigger then them. Suprise suprise....

THE_A_TEEN 27

Saturday 21 January 2012 1:08

An anonymous ass-wipe trying to be funny by making fun of people bigger then them. Suprise suprise....

coppertop1115 0

Friday 20 January 2012 22:05

Your comment :

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 85

Today, I took a very expensive flight to New York City for a job interview. I waited in my hotel room all day for the phone call to go to my once in a lifetime interview. By noon, I was nervous; eight, I was pissed. Around ten, I realized my phone was still in airplane mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 555

You deserved it 23 502

The Top

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 394

You deserved it 4 660

Today, I got a call at work. My cat somehow managed to lock my boyfriend and dog out of the house. The rental manager charged us $25 to open the door. The cat seems quite pleased with herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 194

Today, just like every other day, I noticed that one of my male coworkers always stares at me while passing by or when it's time for lunch. I read somewhere that if a person stares at you too long, they either want to have sex with you or want to kill you. He has a girlfriend, so I doubt it's the first option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 311

Today, I was called a ruthless bitch for not waking up early to search for my car keys, so my boyfriend could go get his pipe and get high before work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 766

You deserved it 5 374

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 732

You deserved it 3 344

Today, at my work, I was ringing though a kid's purchase. I try to be friendly with the kids and when he handed me his cash I said "Thank you, sir!" in a playful manner. He then turns to his mom and says "Mom, why does everyone think I am a boy?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 283

You deserved it 6 112

Same thing different taste

Clout chasing

Reset my life

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