Miscellaneous: Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of...

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 959

You deserved it 4 787

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 275

You deserved it 4 595

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 026

You deserved it 2 643

Added protein

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 192

Night visitor

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 14:00 - New Zealand

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 387

You deserved it 145

Fear factor

By Anonymous - 04/05/2020 23:00

Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 742

You deserved it 183

By igotpride - 09/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 821

You deserved it 5 381

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 836

You deserved it 297

Sorry, little dude

By dire-rear - 16/01/2010 20:19 - Singapore

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 098

You deserved it 3 657

By Sarah-grace - 17/05/2016 22:20 - United States - Benton

Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 809

You deserved it 1 511

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 582

You deserved it 2 139

lemoncows 2

Tuesday 22 February 2011 19:17

dirty mouth? clean it up with orbit!

Valea_fml 9

Tuesday 22 February 2011 19:15

Eww! Disgusting. FYL.

Comments

Just2cute2 7

Monday 10 March 2014 5:44

His roommate the spider had had enough of his crap and kicked him out of your esophagus. Good riddance.

IMSCARJOHANSSON 24

Sunday 6 July 2014 13:01

Man that's going to happen to me one day, I just know it.

jamaican1876 4

Tuesday 2 September 2014 8:07

I was drinking water when I saw this...drinking water with the lights off...

thisismyhead 25

Friday 2 January 2015 4:03

Oh my god. I would have thrown up. That is a serious FYL.

NotRussian 16

Sunday 27 September 2015 12:14

FOREVER UNCLEAN!!!!

LifeTrolls 16

Thursday 29 October 2015 15:22

My dad did this once. Except he accidentally swallowed it.

ArbiterOfFML 24

Monday 7 August 2017 13:07

Nasty!

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I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 18

Today, my brother showed my wife a Craigslist ad by someone seeking casual sex. It had very specific details that made it seem like I wrote it. My brother later admitted in private that he made the post as revenge for me not loaning him $500 last month. Meanwhile, my wife still thinks I'm unfaithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 645

You deserved it 1 158

The Top

Today, I went to work and said hi to my boss. He reached towards me. I thought he was trying to give me a hug, so I awkwardly hugged him back. Turned out he was just trying to fix my shirt collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 187

You deserved it 4 485

Today, I found my dad's porn stash on his laptop. I went through it for a laugh to see what kind of sick, twisted shit he's into. Mostly nude pictures of my mum, as it turns out. I can't wipe the afterimage from my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 931

You deserved it 43 286

Today, I decided to be the "cool aunt" and take my nephew to a horror movie. I ended up being so scared, I burst into tears. Nothing says "cool" like having an 11-year-old walk a sobbing, grown woman from a theatre. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 890

You deserved it 12 242

Today, I tried to prove to my girlfriend how much I've matured and that our relationship comes before anything else in my life. So I went to delete my character in World of Warcraft. I tried to confirm it, but I couldn't, breaking down in tears instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 356

You deserved it 31 445

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years drunkenly proposed to me, while sitting on the crapper, with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 266

You deserved it 4 873

Today, I found out that my college textbooks, which I spent nearly $200 dollars on for the two of them, did not come with the codes they were advertised with. The codes are needed for online classwork that is required to pass the course. Each new code is $90 a piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 826

You deserved it 1 583