Miscellaneous: Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of...

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 959

You deserved it 4 787

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 275

You deserved it 4 595

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 026

You deserved it 2 643

Added protein

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 192

Night visitor

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 14:00 - New Zealand

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 387

You deserved it 145

Fear factor

By Anonymous - 04/05/2020 23:00

Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 742

You deserved it 183

By igotpride - 09/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 821

You deserved it 5 381

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 836

You deserved it 297

Sorry, little dude

By dire-rear - 16/01/2010 20:19 - Singapore

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 098

You deserved it 3 657

By Sarah-grace - 17/05/2016 22:20 - United States - Benton

Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 809

You deserved it 1 511

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 582

You deserved it 2 139

lemoncows 2

Tuesday 22 February 2011 19:17

dirty mouth? clean it up with orbit!

Valea_fml 9

Tuesday 22 February 2011 19:15

Eww! Disgusting. FYL.

Comments

mserrato 8

Monday 22 August 2011 23:15

What it tastes just like chicken

Narwhal234 6

Sunday 28 August 2011 2:35

Yeah, sounds like it bugged you alot.

keeks46 12

Thursday 3 November 2011 3:44

Must have swallowed it when you were asleep

wildfiresgirl 7

Saturday 17 December 2011 1:56

Eww was it still alive and wriggling around when you coughed it up? 0.0

dme93 5

Monday 20 February 2012 21:40

Learn to clean! that is disgusting

callmesillyxxx 1

Sunday 25 March 2012 9:00

Omg ewwwwww i would legit start screamimg. That scared me to sleep

cf1313 6

Tuesday 2 April 2013 2:15

FYL thats gross EEEEWWWW

irritate 9

Saturday 4 May 2013 10:30

Time to duct tape my mouth before I go to bed

iclark0 8

Wednesday 30 October 2013 1:13

MOVE. Burn down the house, and MOVE.

_Llama__Llama_ 3

Monday 24 February 2014 7:51

Time to move out?

Keywords

Cars Transportation Embarrassing Awkward Work Mental health Relatable AITA Am I overreacting? Social Media Love Annoying Family Intimacy Sex Coworkers Poopoo peepee Dentist Health Sleep Cute Animals Dogs Shopping My ex Cats Job interview Clothes Miscellaneous Weird

The Top

Today, my 4 year-old daughter was looking at a magazine cover with a well endowed model showing off her cleavage. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, when I grow up, will I have big round boobies like her or tiny pointy ones like you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 556

You deserved it 4 813

Today, nine weeks after giving birth, my husband and I finally tried to have sex since a friend was watching the baby. Not only could I not get wet due to hormones, but as soon as he got back from buying lube, his drunk brother called needing a ride from the bar. No sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 207

You deserved it 324

The Top

Today, while working as a parking booth attendant, I decided to be nice and give a woman free parking. I said, "Give me a high five and I'll give you free parking, since I already did the paperwork." She said, "I'd rather pay," with a really disgusted look. I also had to redo the paperwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 643

You deserved it 8 565

Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 185

You deserved it 71 245

Today, I decided to wax my eyebrows. My entire eyebrow came off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 014

You deserved it 13 917

Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 002

You deserved it 6 138

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 117

You deserved it 16 740

Today, while working as an Uber driver, I asked my passenger for directions and she didn’t know. She was going to her own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 636