Animals: Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing...

By furryballoon - 22/11/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 597

You deserved it 6 877

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Noname - 30/01/2009 18:18 - Canada

Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 809

You deserved it 3 097

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 08:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 689

You deserved it 9 175

By JackNicholsonInChinatown - 25/10/2016 02:58

Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 551

You deserved it 891

Threat Neutralized

By Anonymous - 23/07/2018 18:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 316

You deserved it 730

Goddamn cat!

By Anonymous - 22/08/2024 00:00 - United States - Monsey

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and I noticed the balcony door was open. As I went to go close it, I swear I saw my cat wondering outside and I panicked. Long story short, I locked myself out searching for the cat and the next thing I knew, he was meowing at me from the balcony a few feet above me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 185

By Anonymous - 12/01/2010 07:45 - United States

Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 231

You deserved it 23 779

By jazthefish - 12/07/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 804

You deserved it 71 734

Human! I request petting!

By Anonymous - 07/11/2022 06:00

Today, my cat has made a habit of waking me and my husband up every morning by meowing in front of our bedroom door until we get up. This morning, I finally got her to stop, so I went back to bed hoping to sleep in for a while… Only to be kept awake by my husband’s snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 156

Two holes

By Anonymous - 23/02/2024 03:00 - United States - Vero Beach

Today, my cat woke me up at 12 AM. After I told her to chill, I realized the mattress needed some air. Inflating it didn't work so I looked for the puncture wound. While trying to find a hot glue stick to patch it with, I got a thin shard of glass in my foot, which broke while I tried to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 108

By Michelle - 20/02/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 108

You deserved it 4 973

artsyfox 3

Tuesday 22 November 2011 8:39

better than waking to a strangled dead cat

ellakacyme22 6

Tuesday 22 November 2011 8:41

Pop goes the cat

Comments

skullbashd 3

Tuesday 22 November 2011 10:28

Could be a lesbian with a foot fetish so she could a fully be knee deep in pussy.......z.

sheethapins 13

Tuesday 22 November 2011 10:30

What a catastrophe!

EarAcheMyEYE10 2

Tuesday 22 November 2011 10:35

Just be thankful that the pussy wasnt having a dream about eating rancid food or you'd had squeezed the shit out of that pussy!!

ganjaone 2

Tuesday 22 November 2011 11:02

Good thing that cat didn't pop anything in between ur legs

iam_yummylicious 12

Tuesday 22 November 2011 11:03

And a girl can't be knee deep in a girl?

Beelzebub259 7

Tuesday 22 November 2011 11:09

Shouldn't own a cat

THE_A_TEEN 27

Tuesday 22 November 2011 15:28

She was dreaming when it happened, you stupid *******.

LennyComa 39

Tuesday 22 November 2011 11:14

Cats hold grudges...ghought you should know

elisabeth1_fml 0

Tuesday 22 November 2011 11:23

Thank god you weren't dreaming you were having sex, lmfao

bitchwhore 20

Tuesday 22 November 2011 11:28

Lesbi-honest here. That's completely possible.

diidiimi 10

Tuesday 22 November 2011 11:52

That's what cats get for sleeping between our legs... Now if I can only get mine to move so I can roll over... Nope, trapped. :-( I needs me some of that poppin'.