Money: Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well...

FML for mobile
Free

By NevertheKool - 07/05/2015 21:43 - United States - Union City

Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza, and ended up falling asleep on my couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 765

You deserved it 28 055

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Don't believe the hype

By Anonymous - 14/11/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I was hyping myself up to work out after weeks of being a lazy slob. I slapped my workout gear on, got my Spotify playlist ready, and just as I was about to start, my friend texted me asking if I wanted pizza. I’m now in my workout clothes, eating pizza on his couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 490

Procrastinating my life away

By Beatrix - 11/11/2024 22:00 - Canada

Today, I tried to be productive and got dressed in real clothes instead of sweatpants. I spent the next four hours on the couch binge-watching Netflix and pretending I had plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 392

By fatto - 30/05/2017 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I got up very early to join my fit, slim, husband for a morning walk, since I work from home, order food to be delivered, and barely leave the couch. Afterwards, he biked off to work, and I went straight back to bed. With some candy. Small steps, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 2 699

By Ew - 26/05/2016 13:02 - United States - Washington

Today, I went for a three-mile run. I was really proud of myself until I woke up from my dream in my bed, surrounded by empty soda bottles and fast food bags. I haven't worked out in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 458

You deserved it 12 109

By themcdave - 19/05/2012 08:03 - United Kingdom - Cranfield

Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed, and sat down to eat breakfast. I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 599

You deserved it 4 556

By latino14 - 15/06/2012 11:27 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I tried to go to the gym, but I ended up watching cat videos on YouTube for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 140

You deserved it 39 426

Out of shape

By Anonymous - 20/08/2023 12:00 - Australia

Today, I was feeling really good about going to the gym for the first time. That was until I got so worn out from my “warm up” on the treadmill that I had to go home and spew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 11/03/2019 22:00

Today, I organized a party at my place, invited 20 people, bought snacks and cancelled my workout. Nobody showed up. I ended up eating a whole ciabatta alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 606

You deserved it 249

By Ouchie - 07/10/2016 12:51 - Ireland - Celbridge

Today, in an effort to be more active, I jumped out of bed ready for a morning jog. Or, that was the plan. Instead, I twisted my knee so badly standing up, it's now locked, and I can't move it. So much for activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 945

You deserved it 1 337

By mikki bee - 30/12/2014 17:24 - United States - Reno

Today, I decided to start jogging and exercising, so I had a wonderful workout before work. Then I broke my foot at work. Goodbye exercising. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 150

You deserved it 2 528

pixierara 28

Friday 8 May 2015 13:05

*couch* I don't think you slept on your coach, I think he would have made you run

leafeon523 20

Friday 8 May 2015 13:04

Ydi for not having motivation and complaining about it online.

Comments

limegreenpoopie 31

Friday 8 May 2015 15:43

You're a brave individual: you've admitted what thousands refuse to admit xD

christmaswizard 9

Friday 8 May 2015 16:08

I've been doing this everyday for the past week. But my exams just finished, so I'm going to let that be my excuse.

Drosophila82 18

Friday 8 May 2015 17:06

You still work up early!

mustangbravo 27

Friday 8 May 2015 17:55

Epic fail!

failuretolaunch2 18

Friday 8 May 2015 18:00

So did you fall asleep on your COACH or your COUCH? Because seriously, one of them is a person.

JCal585 8

Friday 8 May 2015 18:01

Not a "FML" .. More like "****, I'm lazy"

david99021 15

Friday 8 May 2015 18:02

MERICA!

bassfisher100 23

Friday 8 May 2015 18:15

coach....?

c_wyld 21

Friday 8 May 2015 18:55

Hey that's the way to go tho...

messymessiah 11

Friday 8 May 2015 19:50

Sounds like my average day :-P I know how frustrating it can be OP.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Gross Weird Food Shopping Clothes Technology Games Annoying Disney Kids Cute Empathy Family Bullying Ironic Embarrassing Parents Awkward Surprise Party Friends Relatable LGBTQIA+ Love Health Diets Bodyshaming Mental health AITA

The Top

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 133

You deserved it 3 962

Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that girls are afraid to even speak to, so I then decided to march right up to him and say hello. When he smiled at me, I stood there with my mouth wide open, but I made non-coherent words. He asked me if I was a foreign exchange student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 117

You deserved it 29 700

The Top

Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 830

You deserved it 3 890

Today, I was preparing to leave my campsite when I noticed that my neighbors were trying to put up a canopy. I walked over and said, "Do you need a hand?" Then I noticed the man had a prosthetic hook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 159

Today, while cleaning behind a ladder, I banged my head on one of the hand rails. I stood up, cursed, and moved to the other side. To my luck, I hit the other side of my head. I now have two lumps perfectly placed as horns on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 670

You deserved it 6 749

Today, and most nights, my 17 year-old twins scream and shout while playing Fortnite. I asked if they could kindly not tonight, as I was tired and needed sleep. One told me I couldn't tell him to get off, he's allowed to play. I turned the WiFi off, which ended up with the other screaming and swearing how unfair i was. Now I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 298

Today, a package was delivered to my house. Thinking it was my new blender, I hurriedly brought it in to open it. Inside the box was an assortment of rotten vegetables that stank like Satan's asshole. I have no idea who it's from or why they hate me so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 627

You deserved it 331

Today, my daughter told me she would rather hang herself than hang out with me. All I did was remind her to go to bed at a reasonable time to get some sleep for an activity she likes doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 142

Same thing different taste

Don't believe the hype

Procrastinating my life away

Out of shape

Top comments

Comments