Miscellaneous: Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself....

By frankrizzo - 01/02/2009 17:29 - Canada

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 044

You deserved it 9 042

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 10:03 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 044

You deserved it 2 323

Night terror

By unlovedandunfucked - 10/12/2014 18:16 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 768

You deserved it 4 560

By Fark - 27/05/2010 22:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 328

You deserved it 4 961

By :( - 27/01/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 269

You deserved it 62 389

By Anonymous - 08/08/2009 11:49 - United States

Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 877

You deserved it 64 820

By Anonymous - 28/08/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 1 892

Treat yourself!

By Anonymous - 07/05/2023 10:00

Today, I'd planned on treating myself to a spa day. I'd booked a massage and was so relaxed that I fell asleep during it. When I woke up, I realized that I had drooled all over the massage table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 172

Wedding of the year

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 16:58 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I dreamed that I got so nervous during a toast at my friend's wedding that I pissed myself. To coax myself to wake up, I took off my dress, stripped down to my underwear, and pinched myself. I wasn't dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 1 158

By adam - 03/02/2010 20:10 - France

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 085

You deserved it 40 678

Nearly did a Jimi Hendrix

By Courtney - 30/10/2022 14:00

Today, I had a dream in which I was throwing up. Turns out it wasn’t a dream and I woke up to puke all over the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 127

unimportant 0

Monday 9 March 2009 7:24

personally i would have shot myself after that but very interesting..

NotSprinkles 0

Tuesday 10 February 2009 11:36

LOL!!!! In the future, it'd probably be best not to sleep in front of your relatives. :)

Comments

penflower 0

Thursday 18 February 2010 5:12

why do you say this didn't happen? it could very easily have happened. idiot

razorwashere 0

Tuesday 25 May 2010 21:12

wow x3 best fml ever !that made my day :] x

fmlxt 3

Wednesday 2 June 2010 13:31

FYL...LMFAOO

egging 0

Friday 25 June 2010 7:21

I seriously do not understand why that was so funny.

fuzzywazzy012 0

Tuesday 6 July 2010 1:15

Ahahhah, same here. I srill cant breath.

jebby011 0

Monday 19 July 2010 8:02

you fail for using the term "negative Nancy"

lexxiiieeeee123 0

Sunday 29 August 2010 3:46

it could have happened, you never know. and if it did, that's priceless!(:

matt5217 4

Saturday 11 September 2010 17:47

lol would have sufficied

canible_koul 0

Friday 4 March 2011 5:09

Haha you made my day OP :) let's hope you don't fall asleep during your next family reunion(s)

Norther 1

Sunday 6 March 2011 0:14

My sister did that once, and when she woke up, my little brother(6years) asked if she needed a extra hand with the iching x D

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Health Accident Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight

The Top

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 211

You deserved it 5 147

Today, at work, I'm supervising one person. Recently there's been tension between her and a couple of other coworkers, one of which was her friend. I spent the day running around and trying to smooth things over, just to find out what started this was her walking in on her former friend talking about her behind her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 96

The Top

Today, I got a ticket for being drunk in public. I was walking a couple of blocks from the bar to my house, because I didn't want to drive drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 572

You deserved it 2 706

Today, I spent all day preparing a big, elaborate Italian dinner for my boyfriend, who recently discovered he was part Italian. He came home, turned up his nose and said "I was in the mood for Chinese". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 880

You deserved it 4 151

Today, I ordered flowers to be delivered to my workplace on Tuesday. To myself. For my birthday. Because even though birthdays are posted in the monthly newsletter, mine gets left out every year. For the past four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 957

You deserved it 1 112

Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 937

You deserved it 23 804

Today, my husband accused me of having an incestuous relationship with my deceased father, all because we haven’t had sex in months due to my grieving. According to him, no one grieves that hard for someone unless they were in love or fucking them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 144

Today, I got fired after three days at my new job. They told me it was because of downsizing. They were still interviewing people and had a help wanted sign in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 32