Health: Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street,...

By Anonymous - 03/08/2012 22:50 - Mexico - Villahermosa

Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 048

You deserved it 1 962

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Same thing different taste

By bad_day_in_hell - 17/11/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I woke up to a phone call from my boss' wife. She demanded to know how long we'd been sleeping together. When I denied her allegations, she screamed that she knew all about my "history of sleeping with married men". I'm a virgin and I have to work with him tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 143

You deserved it 2 174

By Anonymous - 14/02/2013 21:50 - Saudi Arabia - Dammam

Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 712

You deserved it 2 513

It wasn't me!

By Anonymous - 15/03/2015 18:40 - United States - Charleston

Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 872

You deserved it 2 728

By shenmas - 08/07/2018 19:00

Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 357

You deserved it 264

By randomguy - 09/07/2012 15:09 - United States - Saylorsburg

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 974

You deserved it 12 166

Freakout

By Anonymous - 04/01/2012 17:00 - United States

Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 236

You deserved it 2 839

By Anonymous - 11/08/2013 18:11 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 406

You deserved it 5 960

By Lisa - 23/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Tupelo

Today, a woman came knocking on my door. Not to sell something or to chat, no. To punch me in the mouth. Apparently, I stole her husband and I'm a homewrecker. We don't have a clue who she is. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, and were high school sweethearts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 116

You deserved it 240

A real mess

By huh? - 09/05/2022 00:01

Today, a guy I went out with twice, and slept with once, came knocking on my door, hysterically crying. Apparently his wife found out about “us” and kicked him out. He’s now asking where he can put his stuff, since he’s now homeless. I had no idea he was married, and she’s now looking to fight me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 281

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 073

You deserved it 5 417

toowie_fml 20

Saturday 4 August 2012 5:59

Bitches be crazy..

kidepicfest 0

Saturday 4 August 2012 6:05

Well since you've already been beat up, might as well find the husband and sleep with him.

Comments

AzWolf 5

Saturday 4 August 2012 21:55

Take some self-defense classes!

gman90210 18

Tuesday 4 December 2012 11:20

I'd be glad to give you some self defense classes

skyeyez9 24

Saturday 4 August 2012 22:37

Perhaps she made up that reason as an excuse to beat on a random stranger.

aron666 25

Sunday 5 August 2012 0:25

where my bitches at?

worldclassrager 39

Sunday 5 August 2012 3:37

it looks like you have a fimilar face...or she just was a bit out if it...

dolceandkabana 1

Monday 6 August 2012 14:57

The first time will feel almost the same OP

Sandnblood 4

Tuesday 7 August 2012 1:58

So...you called the cops right? I mean, that is assault by the way it sounds.

lowercaseG 13

Saturday 18 August 2012 7:48

Why didn't you fight back

shujaswati 20

Tuesday 29 April 2014 17:18

Well that's bad and embarrassing.

jflyer76 17

Friday 1 January 2016 14:02

I smell a lawsuit

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I asked my son to keep my new girlfriend secret from his mom until our divorce was final, and he ran straight to her. She told the judge I was unfaithful and wants more money from our settlement. My son doesn't give a shit about snitching on me, because she's giving him a percentage of the new settlement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 1 844

Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him "Meow" over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin, and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 634

You deserved it 68 713

The Top

Today, five hours into my shift, I found out that I had been given the day off. They just forgot to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 110

You deserved it 340

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 753

You deserved it 3 467

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria when one of my friends yelled out "Jake is uncircumcised!" as a joke. The girl I have a crush on was sitting at the table behind me and turned around and asked if it was true. I said yes, she responded with "wow, hope I never have to see that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 097

You deserved it 4 433

Today, I yet again had to pretend to be a dumb bimbo so that my boyfriend wouldn't get upset over the fact that, in some cases, I might be smarter than him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 618

You deserved it 23 876

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered, "Nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 184

You deserved it 30 273

Today, I found out I was dead. Yes, you read it right! Apparently, the pickpocket who stole my wallet two days ago was murdered and since his face was quite unrecognizable, they "identified" him with my ID from my wallet. My mom, who heard this on the news, got hysterical and started trashing my room in "grief." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 88

Same thing different taste

It wasn't me!

Freakout

A real mess

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