Miscellaneous: Today, I had to explain to a police officer that I wasn't drunk... - FML

By not as easy as pie - 16/10/2015 16:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to explain to a police officer that I wasn't drunk and had swerved because I was eating pie and almost dropped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 226

You deserved it 21 362

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Same thing different taste

By fatty magoo - 29/07/2014 18:20 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I was pulled over for distracted driving. I'd been eating a donut. Let's just say the officer didn't appreciate being offered one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 300

You deserved it 15 981

Potholing

By limpdick9 - 19/11/2014 18:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cop car was tailing me. I was scared, and trying to avoid any tickets, I drove straight through a huge pothole rather than swerving to avoid it. The cop pulled me over and insisted I was intoxicated, because, "anybody in their right mind would've dodged that pothole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 496

You deserved it 7 185

By ironic driver - 04/09/2011 22:10 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 568

You deserved it 4 614

By drewig - 10/05/2010 05:28 - United States

Today, I was driving home from work when I was pulled over by a cop. She asked why I was being pulled over and figuring she knew I said, "For swerving because of my alcohol problem." I had a broken tail light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 149

You deserved it 53 594

Panic mode activated

By Man in car - 11/10/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I got pulled over by a cop car. As I was fumbling for my license and registration, I handed the officer a half-empty bag of Doritos I’d forgotten was in my glove box. He thought I was trying to bribe him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 297

By Kimmiko - 04/06/2009 12:17 - Germany

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 199

You deserved it 7 167

The smell of freedom

By ThatNewCarSmell - 01/10/2014 16:53 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 880

You deserved it 45 702

By driverman12 - 04/04/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway when I saw a car in front of me swerving across 3 lanes of traffic. Thinking he might be drunk, I dialed 911 on my phone, but I dropped it. I fished under my seat to get it, swerving, and got pulled over by highway patrol and given a field sobriety test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 178

You deserved it 31 002

Underage boozing

By drunk under 18 teenager - 19/08/2014 13:37 - Morocco - Marrakech

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was, if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 092

You deserved it 50 300

By candymansvan17 - 17/08/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 461

You deserved it 3 235

Next

Top comments

JayGatsby 25

Saturday 17 October 2015 1:37

Could the pie not have waited till you got home?

MegasaurusRex89 28

Saturday 17 October 2015 1:37

Dean?

Comments

Nina825 21

Saturday 17 October 2015 11:10

Give me that pieeeeee

poorkitten 15

Saturday 17 October 2015 11:27

...and that's why there are distracted driving laws

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 17 October 2015 11:45

Breathalyser test would hold this true...but come on OP

puppie406 23

Saturday 17 October 2015 15:16

0.8% blood-pie?

geminijojo 10

Saturday 17 October 2015 12:24

Who cares? Why and how did the post even get past The moderating? Really who the **** cares!!

rachelllllb 18

Saturday 17 October 2015 12:34

mmm pie :)

Enzymatic 14

Saturday 17 October 2015 13:19

awkward much???

Kevinmeowbeanz 22

Saturday 17 October 2015 14:02

Dean Winchester?

Keiraquarium 12

Saturday 17 October 2015 15:05

You really couldn't have waited til when you got home to eat the pie? Or even just pull over and eat the pie? I can't stand dangerous drivers. My grandfather was killed by a drunk driver and, to me, this isn't much better. You're not only endangering your idiotic self but also every single other person on the road. Please have some responsibility and save your damn pie for later.

Lilkat39 5

Saturday 17 October 2015 16:05

really?! fml?!? Because you are much to stupid to just drive your car, and take a break from stuffing your gullet for 10 min or an hour. No **** our lives because you exist.

Sheepies123 6

Saturday 17 October 2015 16:43

Stop eating pie while driving ya fat lard.

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The Top

Today, I found out that my boyfriend lost a bunch of money by buying some scam cryto crap linked to that "Hawk tuah" girl. Easiest break-up ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 109

Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad boy who has to grab the leading lady's ass, who then slaps me in the face. The ass grab was done in one take. The slap required 14 takes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 933

You deserved it 5 095

The Top

Today, after a long couple of months working non-stop, I finally got someone to cover my shift. Turns out she was joking, and when I didn't show up for work, I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 876

You deserved it 3 688

Today, while playing cards, with my dad, mom and sister, I excused myself to go to the bathroom several times just to secretly chat with my crush. I laughed so hard at a joke that I wet my pants. My family thinks I need to see a doctor because I was going to the bathroom so often between card games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 1 373

Today, I told my mom I'm severely allergic to my cat and that the doctor told me it would be best to get rid of the cat. Somewhat jokingly, I told her it was either me or the cat. She chose the cat. She was serious too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 457

You deserved it 5 608

Today, my brother slapped me across the face with a piece of raw chicken for not liking his Instagram post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 626

You deserved it 4 358

Today, my 18 year-old daughter comes home, telling me she has been fired from her job at McDonalds. The reason? They had iCarly Happy Meal toys and she couldn't resist stealing one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 604

You deserved it 5 403

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 412

You deserved it 9 431