Miscellaneous: Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential...

By StromyG2 - 24/10/2011 14:54 - United States

Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential dangers of Halloween. He has a speech for every holiday, every year. I'm 28 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 045

You deserved it 3 274

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 02:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I was confronted by my father after I got back home from a party in the early hours. He demanded to know if I'd been doing any drugs, and then decided to give me a scare lecture on the dangers of alcohol. I'd had a few beers. He had the smell of tequila on his breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 135

You deserved it 5 090

By Anonymous - 20/02/2019 04:00

Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 048

You deserved it 206

By facepalm - 02/05/2019 00:00

Today, my son won’t stop crying, all because I told him he couldn’t go trick-or-treating in April. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 875

You deserved it 263

By Anonymous - 09/11/2013 22:30 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I heard my dad complaining that he won't be able to go to a concert, because it's happening on my birthday. This is the first time he's even acknowledged my birthday in over ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 779

You deserved it 3 317

By Anonymous - 29/03/2012 16:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I thought about how my dad went to get me a Halloween costume and hasn't come home yet. That was 11 years ago. We've moved twice since then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 734

You deserved it 2 950

By anonymous - 22/09/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 911

You deserved it 2 546

The R-word

By How old am I again? - 04/09/2022 17:30 - United States

Today, I had to listen to my mother painstakingly spell out to me why broken glass is extremely dangerous. Feeling insulted, I jokingly asked her if she thought I was "retarded". I then got yelled at for "swearing." I'm a fucking adult, but my overprotective and condescending mother seems to think otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 498

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 04:31 - United States - Havertown

Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 494

You deserved it 1 513

By oh gee, you don't say - 15/12/2012 18:43 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 022

You deserved it 4 665

By fuck me - 28/11/2013 19:13 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 035

You deserved it 3 670

Classlfied 4

Monday 24 October 2011 19:00

Move out

CopeStraight 3

Monday 24 October 2011 19:01

Rule 1: don't take candy from the creepy dude down the street

Comments

Revell13 2

Tuesday 25 October 2011 6:51

Move the **** out o home freeloader

nini94707 0

Tuesday 25 October 2011 7:42

Never be too careful.... Happy Halloween!

j_cat187 19

Tuesday 25 October 2011 8:30

So did you go candy flipping?

CooperDelton 0

Tuesday 25 October 2011 9:10

I find it a joke that u still live with ur parents. Go to college, get a job and move out.

chilla4m3 6

Thursday 27 October 2011 19:07

Who says she still lives at home?

granolabutt8 7

Friday 28 October 2011 9:09

May I introduce you to the current state of the US economy? Also, people can still communicate with their parents without living with them.

imperialtl 12

Tuesday 25 October 2011 14:18

Why are you still at home dude?

alexwarfield333 1

Tuesday 25 October 2011 16:06

Get out of that damn house! Stick it to the man!

Jasonf6 0

Tuesday 25 October 2011 22:59

Does he walk around thumping people with his bible?

lvl19virgin 0

Thursday 27 October 2011 19:19

You deserve it for leaving your house

FreshMaker44 0

Friday 28 October 2011 13:33

Parents never stop being parents.

briester30895 0

Saturday 29 October 2011 15:04

Lmfao!!!!!

Keywords

Clothes Miscellaneous Relatable Shoes Insurance Transportation Cars Health Work Love Cheating Embarrassing Clumsy Food Awkward Animals Dating First Dates Bikes Dogs Cute Ironic Pranks Shopping Texting Mistakes Family Fight Birthday Drunk

The Top

Today, there was a gas leak at work. We called the fire department, who advised us to evacuate the building. We called our manager to let her know, and her response was "Oh, don’t do that." My boss would rather let us die of carbon monoxide exposure than lose out on 3 hours of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 114

Today, I caught my mom using my toothbrush and washcloth again, despite her having both her own bathroom and supplies. I asked her to please not use mine, to which she called me an ungrateful bitch. My dad agreed. Yet they wonder why I've been desperately saving money to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 556

You deserved it 499

The Top

Today, I went to meet a potential client at Starbucks all the way across town about designing his website. I was extremely excited because I really need the work. I sat for an hour. Turns out he was across the street, at the other Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 191

You deserved it 6 487

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend. After we'd ordered, I started to unzip his fly really slowly. As I put my hand into his boxers, he stood up to greet his mom and dad who were joining us for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 518

You deserved it 110 708

Today, I have to listen to my flatmate complaining that ladies don’t shag him anymore since his dad in Saudi Arabia cut him off. Apparently, they show a lot of interest until he reveals his financial situation. The dude actually thought he was God's gift to women instead of a mobile ATM. What a tool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 146

Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 659

You deserved it 3 495

Today, my roommate and I invited a few girls over to our dorm for a small party. We started to play a drinking game, and I attempted to chug three beers in two minutes. My stomach wouldn't have that, and I spewed up bright red chunks everywhere and on everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 072

You deserved it 44 858

Today, I came home from class to find a nasty note on my roommate's toaster oven. Apparently, cleaning it once a week isn't enough, and she wants it cleaned right after using it, which she never told me all school year. I'm banned from using it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 332

Same thing different taste

The R-word

Top comments

Comments