Kids: Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs... - FML

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 04:44 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 860

You deserved it 2 519

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Same thing different taste

By hfs palm - 21/06/2015 21:37 - United States

Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 647

You deserved it 2 549

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 21:06 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from my dad's house. He'd shaved her head bald. "For a laugh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 106

You deserved it 1 874

You're under arrest

By poo_shoe123 - 31/03/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 621

You deserved it 10 233

By bail? - 29/08/2019 23:00 - United States - Omaha

Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 181

Gun control

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 10:59

Today, I took my 15-year-old daughter to our local shooting range for her birthday, as she requested. While she was setting up a target in front of me, I jokingly pulled the trigger and shouted, "Think Fast!" not realizing that the safety was off. I shot my daughter in the arm on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 4 324

Don't be a dingdong

By Steve - 03/04/2021 21:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter's boyfriend came to the house to pick her up. As a responsible father, I had an evil plan to torture the boy who dares date my girl, but my wife preempted my plan so during his short visit, she stood behind me the whole time with her taser down my buttcrack in case I acted up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 2 730

By justgreat - 28/09/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I was picking up my 10 year old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 086

You deserved it 3 416

Never try this at home

By Anonymous - 06/08/2023 13:00 - United States - Grass Valley

Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 134

Boundaries, dude!

By JoeBidenIsMyFIL - 02/03/2020 18:00

Today, I had to physically restrain my girlfriend from assaulting my father after he drunkenly poked her in the ribs for the fifth time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 556

You deserved it 379

By alealovespurple - 16/08/2009 20:04 - Canada

Today, I went through my 15 year old daughter's internet history. On google she searched 'Excuses to get away from your dad' and 5 other variations of the same thing. We were supposed to be having a father daughter day tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 860

You deserved it 17 227

Next

Top comments

FYLDeep 25

Monday 30 April 2012 11:35

Where'd you take her? To the police station, or to the local sex shop where you and me both know those handcuffs came from?...

jideare 3

Monday 30 April 2012 11:39

Placed handcuffs on her "as a joke"? Good cover!?

Comments

kinkyfemboislut 6

Monday 30 April 2012 18:39

In any case I'd be concerned about why he put hand cuffs on her... cos there ain't no good reasons, and one of them is illegal, the other, is that and is just plan wrong.

misterjez 15

Monday 30 April 2012 18:43

Sounds like she has daddy issues lol.

PhilMcHawk 7

Monday 30 April 2012 20:57

Jesus. You can break out of standard handcuffs with a Uniball brand pen. Take the metal pocket clip off the pen's cap, use it as a shim, and slide it into the handcuffs in between where the "teeth" of the cuffs meet the channel they go into to lock.

angelofsaturn 23

Tuesday 1 May 2012 1:53

#78 I think I saw that on an ep of MANswers.

shutupanddance 0

Monday 30 April 2012 21:23

Nice to know I'm not the only one here with a dirty mind...

kirsten_khloe 0

Monday 30 April 2012 22:22

Awkward moment..

TwiztedYuri 9

Monday 30 April 2012 23:19

I wonder what he gave your daughter to keep her quiet. OP need to watch this man very carefully... I foresee another pedobear attack on your daughter.

imjaninja 0

Tuesday 1 May 2012 1:10

Wait, u took ur daughter, because her father put handcuffs on her? This makes no sense, she has 2 fathers?

imjaninja 0

Tuesday 1 May 2012 1:12

Wait I just realised it's the mum posting, my bad I'm an idiot lol

bubo_fml 10

Tuesday 1 May 2012 1:43

Phreaky Father!

wellthatsukx 0

Tuesday 1 May 2012 9:43

YDI. Why didn't you just use a bobby pin?

tt7703ok 3

Wednesday 2 May 2012 5:44

Uhhh wtf hmmm it sounds like they were trying 2 have some fun "sex"

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The Top

Today, while at work, I saw a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said, "Yep… that just happened," and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 059

You deserved it 3 210

USA, USA, USA; well, almost. Today we're not welcoming a French artist, not even an American artist, but an artist from... oh, you'll see! Are you in a hurry or something? Why can't we just sit down, have a nice cup of tea and talk about the future? ...

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 15

The Top

Today, my family got together to read my grandpa's will. He gave all of his grandkids $400 each. Except me. It seems he thought I'd see the funny side in being bequeathed a blow-up sex doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 733

You deserved it 5 182

Today, a woman with the cutest baby ever sat next to us at Starbucks. My response: “Aw, how cute.” My adult daughter's response: “Ew.” No chance of a grandchild anytime soon I think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 861

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 410

You deserved it 307

Today, I fell in the shower and the doors jammed shut. I was stuck in there for hours, waiting for my parents to come home. They had to open the door for me while I was still naked inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 242

You deserved it 3 477

Today, I woke up at 4AM to the sound of lightning hitting a tree in my backyard, then that tree proceeding to hit my house. Later, my neighbor's tree fell over, which hit our fence, and they're not even home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 79

Today, at work I had to convince an 80 year-old mental patient that she's not Ke$ha and that she really has to put her clothes back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 782

You deserved it 4 877