Miscellaneous: Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so...

By Gassy - 21/09/2015 14:45 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 369

You deserved it 3 289

Back to school
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Same thing different taste

Hear this?

By soundslikeadumbcommentersituation - 11/07/2014 20:34 - Canada - Brampton

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 852

You deserved it 6 935

Gas giant

By morgan - 09/04/2021 23:00

Today, while laying in bed, I let out a huge fart. I then heard my roommate yell from outside my room, "Did you think you were alone?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 306

By Anonymous - 26/01/2019 11:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 127

You deserved it 391

Threat Neutralized

By Anonymous - 23/07/2018 18:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 316

You deserved it 731

By theydidsmellitthough - 08/02/2013 21:59 - Israel - Netanya

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 194

You deserved it 9 400

By Anonymous - 17/07/2015 17:14 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 582

You deserved it 4 364

Mambo number 6

By n/a - 25/11/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom, yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! That lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 127

You deserved it 27 549

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 12/10/2022 02:00

Today, at nine months pregnant, I stopped at a truckstop to use the restroom. I opened an unlocked stall door and stood face to face with a woman bent over wiping. She let out a scream so blood-curdlingly loud, that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 126

Single shot

By irulan - 14/01/2020 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 540

You deserved it 600

Ouch!

By P0wned - 29/09/2009 21:21 - France

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 983

You deserved it 5 275

chuchusheep 19

Monday 21 September 2015 22:33

this is, hands down, the best FML i have ever read. so awesome.

randomname98 22

Monday 21 September 2015 22:32

At least you have a built in defense system!

Comments

Solano2580 24

Monday 21 September 2015 22:50

HAHAHAHAHAHA FARTS ARE SO ******* FUNNY!!!!!!!

yeezuschrist420 11

Monday 16 July 2018 17:33

No they aren’t

amileah13 26

Monday 21 September 2015 22:53

I'm more concerned as to why your hubby or boyfriend wouldn't go out there himself if he was with you! Glad you're okay!

leogachi 15

Monday 21 September 2015 23:00

@23 Maybe Op is single.

christopherwilli 14

Monday 21 September 2015 23:03

She never said she was married or in a relationship.

Algorithm 24

Tuesday 22 September 2015 0:01

In addition to what the others said, not everyone's even straight.

sturschaedel 27

Tuesday 22 September 2015 0:46

All of the above, plus even if OP is in a relationship with the father of her bump, there are still a lot of possibilities why he wasn't there. Business travels, night out with friends, night shifts, not (yet) living together, only to name a few.

djm2010 8

Tuesday 22 September 2015 3:43

Or maybe the bae works overnight

toneeangel 22

Friday 25 September 2015 17:07

I understand what they mean she could be single but I understand your point why as a pregnant woman would she investigate instead of calling the police. I see both sides