Dogs, Pranks and Love: Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through...

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By wellokaythen - 14/05/2013 19:52 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 937

You deserved it 5 122

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Same thing different taste

By Puppy problems - 27/10/2013 01:23 - United States - Essex Junction

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 559

You deserved it 4 532

By sammyxoxo - 18/12/2011 08:32 - Canada

Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 787

You deserved it 2 785

By life_suxxx - 17/12/2009 06:09 - United States

Today, I come home to find that my dog has taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He also took a dump in my house shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 565

You deserved it 4 906

By dirtyfoot - 18/01/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 114

You deserved it 2 447

By Matti - 17/08/2018 22:00

Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 200

You deserved it 241

Spooked

By fucking mafia or what?? - 12/01/2013 22:02 - United States - Marysville

Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 011

You deserved it 3 462

By ugh - 14/06/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 703

You deserved it 3 929

Pick it up

By Cassie - 02/05/2011 00:21

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 392

You deserved it 50 998

Confusing

By frenchpop1960 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 590

You deserved it 42 139

Bad boy

By Really - 14/05/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 90

HowAreYouToday 34

Tuesday 14 May 2013 23:59

He's a shitty boyfriend.

davek 36

Wednesday 15 May 2013 0:03

He should consider himself, erm, dumped?

Comments

TypoH 7

Wednesday 15 May 2013 2:02

Suprise!

Ypetrol 11

Wednesday 15 May 2013 2:11

Nice boyfriend you have

worldclassrager 39

Wednesday 15 May 2013 2:32

This sounds like an ex type of thing...if he didn't like the door mat he could have just told you....

Allennis44 16

Wednesday 15 May 2013 2:35

He's so infinitely clever.

x23bzrk 16

Wednesday 15 May 2013 2:51

in all seriousness he might have thought this was a clever way to *dump* her

Ur_Life_My_Laugh 6

Wednesday 15 May 2013 3:08

Don't put up with his crap.

Shorty777 4

Wednesday 15 May 2013 3:15

Neither one of them would be welcomed to come in.

peachfuzz74 8

Wednesday 15 May 2013 3:25

I'd make him clean it or use his hairbrush or toothbrush to clean it up:)

XxwumboxX 3

Wednesday 15 May 2013 3:49

Well, You ma'am have a shitty boyfriend

AngrySailor 17

Wednesday 15 May 2013 3:49

You must live in Welland.

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The Top

Today, on the advice of several friends, I tried to de-escalate a stupid argument with my fiancée by kissing her. She slapped me senseless and whooped my ass up and down the house until I escaped to the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 369

Today, people in my class reunion bullied me because of a skin condition I have called xeroderma pigmentosum. It makes it so that I get sunburned really easily, and they did it just like they did back in middle school. I hated my life then but when I heard them say it again, I just started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 74

The Top

Today, I went to a concert. They had this feature where you could send a picture of something from your cell phone and they'd put it on the big screens, so I sent a picture of myself in. When the picture came up on the screens, the entire crowd of about 4,000 people went, "Ewwww!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 113

Today I had the dirtiest, kinkiest, most vividly realistic sex dream of my life. I was getting it on with Christopher Walken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 436

You deserved it 403

Today, my new friend tried to introduce me to "American Culture," as I am new to the city. He explained what a hamburger is and how it differs from the Asian food I was used to eating. I moved from Seattle and have worked at Burger King. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 123

You deserved it 2 955

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 490

You deserved it 4 641

Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 556

You deserved it 6 258

Today, my family got together to read my grandpa's will. He gave all of his grandkids $400 each. Except me. It seems he thought I'd see the funny side in being bequeathed a blow-up sex doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 744

You deserved it 5 183