Love: Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes...

By banana - 04/02/2009 20:20 - United States

Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 071

You deserved it 8 699

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 06:19 - United States - New Castle

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 192

You deserved it 55 568

By Anonymous - 19/05/2012 02:35 - United States

Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 507

You deserved it 2 376

By eww. - 22/03/2013 05:28 - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 366

You deserved it 7 201

Discrimination

By joe - 02/01/2009 11:09 - France

Today, the only man who has ever fallen in love with me is bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 443

You deserved it 37 974

By maybe dead in a day - 20/01/2013 19:28 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 878

You deserved it 4 251

Mr. Smooth

By funkmylife69 - 23/09/2019 06:06

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 474

By Anonymous - 12/07/2011 01:12 - United States

Today, I met a really nice guy. He was funny, handsome, and we were both into each other. He told me his name, and when I replied with mine, it came out sounding like "I'm a bear." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 957

You deserved it 16 365

Inked

By damnit - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off, only to learn that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 945

You deserved it 64 705

By bojangles - 28/02/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 273

You deserved it 47 994

By coop42 - 15/01/2014 19:22 - United States - Hortonville

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 113

You deserved it 6 078

Dr_Phil 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 13:25

I'm not sure how this makes your life suck. I think this is pretty awesome and am now going to go shave my name into my chest hair.

exceptyourheart 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 10:21

that's amazing. i'm sorry....but that's just absolutely amazing.

Comments

Mannerheim 0

Thursday 26 February 2009 1:08

He must have been an Italian! Haha, that dude is sweet, and **** all the bitches who think otherwise.

Rats_fml 0

Friday 6 March 2009 6:20

oh my god... i have only one question: Did he go to all that effort just for you? LMFAO

Guiseppi 0

Friday 6 March 2009 10:21

Hahahahaha, what a total badass.

carlos_oac 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 7:49

EPIC WIN, hahahahha.

LtAbbo 0

Saturday 14 March 2009 6:45

That guy is most certainly my hero.

Lubinduba 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 3:01

Chest hair is gross names written in chest hair are even gross-er

earwig12 1

Wednesday 18 March 2009 18:48

He's a keeper. I'd bang him, and I'm a straight dude.

enicolep 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 9:54

You don't deserve him

Boudica 0

Friday 20 March 2009 1:08

He really is a keeper! Tie that man down and don't let him go!

Sarasa01 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 20:02

Did you stick around long enough to see what he had shaved into his pubic hair?

Keywords

Love Party Awkward Lonely ADHD Transportation Cars Ironic Vacation Work Mental health Miscellaneous Grandparents Accident Covid Health Kids Annoying Shopping Cute Coworkers Dogs Animals Photography Art Videos Exhausted Sex Intimacy Money

The Top

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 513

You deserved it 5 324

Today, my Thanksgiving sucks, pretty much bummed because someone dognapped my Shiba Inu as I went inside a store. I'm trying not to stress, even though all I can think of is, "Is he OK? Has he eaten?" Fuck, I miss my darn dog. The audacity of this person. Literally disheartening. Hopefully he returns to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 126

The Top

Today, as a part of my autobiography project for school, I needed to have 2 friends and 2 family members each write me a letter. I ended up having to forge 3 letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 182

You deserved it 3 840

Today, it seemed like my new boyfriend worked wonders training my puppy. Now she listens, doesn’t bark and doesn’t chew everything to bits anymore. I was very impressed, until my boyfriend told me beating a dog until it behaves works every time. My dog isn’t trained; she’s too terrified to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 179

Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 955

You deserved it 467

Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called “The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 789

You deserved it 60 433

Today, I went to the drive-through and ordered 5 cheeseburgers. I told the cashier that some of them were for my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, and I ate all of them by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 367

You deserved it 54 313

Today, the door to my daughter's room became jammed and wouldn't open while she was in the room. Being resourceful, I grabbed my ladder and climbed up to her window, only to end up stuck in her window. I'm not sure what was worse, getting stuck, or being laughed at by my neighbors for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 176

You deserved it 8 684

Same thing different taste

Discrimination

Mr. Smooth

Inked

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