Love: Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes...

By banana - 04/02/2009 20:20 - United States

Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 074

You deserved it 8 700

St. Patrick's Day: Shamrocks and Tribulations
Green anecdotes of jealousy, full of shamrocks and pints, for a memorable St. Patrick's Day! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 06:19 - United States - New Castle

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 196

You deserved it 55 572

By Anonymous - 19/05/2012 02:35 - United States

Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 509

You deserved it 2 376

By eww. - 22/03/2013 05:28 - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 367

You deserved it 7 204

Discrimination

By joe - 02/01/2009 11:09 - France

Today, the only man who has ever fallen in love with me is bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 443

You deserved it 37 980

By maybe dead in a day - 20/01/2013 19:28 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 883

You deserved it 4 251

Mr. Smooth

By funkmylife69 - 23/09/2019 06:06

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 476

By Anonymous - 12/07/2011 01:12 - United States

Today, I met a really nice guy. He was funny, handsome, and we were both into each other. He told me his name, and when I replied with mine, it came out sounding like "I'm a bear." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 958

You deserved it 16 366

Inked

By damnit - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off, only to learn that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 947

You deserved it 64 712

By bojangles - 28/02/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 275

You deserved it 47 999

By coop42 - 15/01/2014 19:22 - United States - Hortonville

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 116

You deserved it 6 078

Dr_Phil 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 13:25

I'm not sure how this makes your life suck. I think this is pretty awesome and am now going to go shave my name into my chest hair.

exceptyourheart 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 10:21

that's amazing. i'm sorry....but that's just absolutely amazing.

Comments

swimmer07 0

Friday 19 June 2009 4:37

yuck... ROFL @ #56... that would be a funny marriage proposal!

SarahsWickedGame 0

Monday 29 June 2009 5:15

ewww

big_rob1 0

Friday 3 July 2009 6:17

there is only one word to describe that guy: B A D A S S

boredworker 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 9:13

Hahaha this guy is def badass. I once shaved a downward arrow into my stomach hair!! I got a laugh from my gf so it was all good

MLSxxox 3

Sunday 20 September 2009 20:13

Im trying to decide whether this is disgusting or... weirdly cool...

XGoat 0

Friday 9 October 2009 3:35

******* awesome :D

HunterStockton 0

Saturday 12 December 2009 15:16

Awesomely ******* awesome. I'm doing that tonight.

cocoa369 0

Wednesday 27 January 2010 6:55

Thats awsome!

ifmlftw 0

Saturday 13 February 2010 12:08

toll. that guy is a tool.

fatman1970 25

Monday 22 February 2010 13:10

I would have laughed in his face.

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 849

You deserved it 4 042

Today, I had a job interview at a Holiday Inn. I got there ten minutes early and sat until 1:00 p.m., then told the person at the front desk I was there for my interview. She called the manager, who said that no interviews were scheduled today. I'd gone to the wrong Holiday Inn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 1 694

The Top

Today, I found out my cousin had moved to Texas. I would have been okay with it, were it not for the fact that not only did I loan him $3,500, but I was supposed to go with him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 348

You deserved it 4 403

Today, I thought my wife and I would reconcile after being separated for eight months. We ended up sleeping together after a dinner date, but she told told me afterwards that she still wanted a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 039

You deserved it 2 750

Today, my parents told me they'd be willing to pay for me to get a nose job. I asked them what was wrong with my nose, and they said nothing, it's just not the kind of nose they'd prefer to feature in our Christmas photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 258

You deserved it 2 644

Today, my upstairs neighbor congratulated me on keeping him up 'til dawn with my girlfriend and the chick in the apartment next to us. He doesn't know how I got them to agree to a threesome. Since I was at my folks all weekend, neither do I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 151

You deserved it 2 408

Today, our boiler broke. Yesterday, it was our fridge. The day before that, the deck collapsed, and a few weeks ago the dishwasher flooded the kitchen. This is after we spent a ton of money to have the house gutted due to a mold problem. We only bought the house a year ago, and have lived in it even less. We need to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 209

Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 817

You deserved it 4 575

Same thing different taste

Discrimination

Mr. Smooth

Inked

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