Miscellaneous: Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward...

By obsessed - 27/11/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 244

You deserved it 89 680

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Same thing different taste

Take it down!

By steven - 28/06/2009 15:53 - Cayman Islands

Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out of her second story bedroom window, taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned, "My baby's first kiss!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 348

You deserved it 7 307

Give it to me

By Kait - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 484

You deserved it 3 587

Funny guy

By stillembarrassed - 06/08/2013 17:01 - United Kingdom

Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 440

You deserved it 6 688

By Awkward Jeff - 26/05/2019 12:30

Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 790

By IB6UB9 - 28/11/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 174

You deserved it 6 977

By garage - 27/01/2010 06:21 - France

Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 722

You deserved it 8 606

By Anonymous - 20/03/2011 03:30 - United States

Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 036

You deserved it 5 101

Tricked

By Puck - 26/09/2024 09:00 - Netherlands - 's-Hertogenbosch

Today, I did the "suck your finger" trick in the car to prevent my lipstick from getting on my teeth and halfway locked eyes with a random dude outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 338

By clementine_k - 22/03/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 878

You deserved it 35 652

By sasha625 - 22/12/2018 14:00

Today, I was running late for work. My windshield had completely frozen over. I didn’t have anything to dissolve the ice..except some coffee I had made 30 minutes earlier. I decided to dump my coffee on my windshield. Instead of dissolving the ice, the creamer froze on entire windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 3 753

staymonkey 1

Friday 27 November 2009 12:46

thats pretty pathetic.

rexmaxus 0

Friday 27 November 2009 12:47

some people just need to be punched in the face. you are among them.

Comments

Dynoblaze 1

Friday 27 November 2009 15:22

You deserve it for being a Twilight freak.

darkpath 0

Friday 27 November 2009 15:22

YDI for being a pathetic twilight fanatic and taking the obsessness to a whole new level.

Dawson30534 0

Friday 27 November 2009 15:25

agreeed #71

Folkhoer 0

Friday 27 November 2009 15:29

You are the reason I hate twilight. Please die.

bnovek84 0

Friday 27 November 2009 15:35

the first line is an fml alone. Thanks for the laugh.

Ipreferbroccoli 0

Friday 27 November 2009 15:37

You're a triple panda, go eat a triple bamboo, what's the problem. You lie. Ice cream can't be ruined for anyone, you should know better. (:

Chichikov 0

Friday 27 November 2009 15:37

grow up, douche

Dubstep_fml 1

Friday 27 November 2009 15:38

Your probably one if those people that has the freezeable ***** too.

bnovek84 0

Friday 27 November 2009 15:39

Ashley greene is pretty hot though... the only reason I would see that movie

alwaysalady 0

Friday 27 November 2009 15:43

Wow. All I can say is wow/

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Today, as I experienced another bout of existential dread while trying to sleep, I declared that it would be the day I opened up to my family about the full extent of my mental health struggles. Also today, I didn't do it. Again. Because I'm anxious it may inconvenience them to worry about me too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 146

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 595

You deserved it 15 094

The Top

Today, after years of being too self-conscious to do anything big with my appearance, I finally got an undercut. My best friend went on a rant about how I "ruined" how I look and now she can't be seen with me, because we "look mismatched together." Looks like I'm back to being self-conscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 137

Today, my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of herself in my boxers. I thought it would be funny to take a picture of myself in the thong she left in my room and send it to her. She thought it would be funnier on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 399

You deserved it 50 102

Today, I was making sweet potato chips using my new slicer. I didn't mean to make a pinky finger chip as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 932

You deserved it 3 514

Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 383

You deserved it 2 251

Today, my new neighbour is totally a Karen, she has the sunglasses, the haircut and the outfits we all know so well, plus I can hear how she speaks to her husband and kids through the wall. I’m afraid to leave my house in case she introduces herself and immediately finds something to moan about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 720

Today, on my lunch break, I ran to the gas station, and threw some trash away on my way in. On my way out, I realized my keys were missing. Thinking I threw them away, and fearing that I'd be late returning to work, I tore through the disgusting trash only to find my keys on the seat of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 219

You deserved it 11 286