Animals: Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly... - FML

By nycplywood - 18/11/2009 21:01 - United States

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 398

You deserved it 32 132

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Same thing different taste

Resting bitch face

By Meow, Bitch! - 24/07/2022 11:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I realized my cat has a very serious case of RBF. Let me tell you, there's nothing more unnerving than turning your head and seeing a small tuxedo cat staring daggers at you for absolutely no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 244

Jackson Galaxy moment

By Foreigner Fail - 25/09/2022 13:30

Today, I meowed at my cat and he got really close to me. I then meowed again and he punched me in the face. Them's fightin' words, it seems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 370

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 22:36 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 264

You deserved it 7 318

Fight or flight

By hannah - 17/02/2011 05:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend finally convinced me that if I picked up her cat it wouldn't scratch my eyes out. It peed on me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 851

You deserved it 4 148

By meowmeow - 21/09/2010 04:38 - Australia

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 778

You deserved it 31 289

Catch!

By MouseChaser - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 082

You deserved it 28 723

By animal lover... - 05/10/2013 22:34

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 896

You deserved it 4 041

Panic!

By Only an orange cat... - 22/02/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I found out two things about my new cat: One, he is afraid of thunder. Two, his reaction to hearing a loud thunderclap is to jump very high in the air with his claws extended, then run like hell. I discovered this when he jumped and landed right on my face. My face now looks like I smashed it into a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 112

Your days are numbered, puny human

By Cat Mama - 22/12/2022 09:00

Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. to my cat biting my face. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’m pretty sure if I die in my sleep, she’ll eat me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 181

Poor Mickey

By oh, good - 15/09/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 265

Next

Top comments

Tequilamockngbrd 7

Thursday 19 November 2009 2:12

Mmm, nothing like a good old-fashioned face-mauling' FML! Cats can be vicious. Don't make them feel intimidated; they'll attack. I'm sure you already know this though. F your life... and your face. Definitely your face.

arielhoee 9

Thursday 19 November 2009 2:28

It means the same thing when a guy's dick suddenly gets really big.

Comments

gpstyne 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 4:14

shorty

Tigg3r 3

Thursday 19 November 2009 4:18

I did that to my cat once....he kept his claws in though. My mom sat there laughing while I picked up the cat and said "Who is the bigger one now huh?" He squirmed and I dropped him then he ran off. Not an hour later he was curled up in my lap. FYL and your face.

GGnoRe 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 4:18

haha this FML made me lmao. The wording was great xD

Fleecy 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 4:28

Hahahah that's awesome. Reminds me of my cute little devil kitty. And when I say kitty I mean 17 year old cat who's given me many scars. Oh how I love her haha.

Witchcraft_fml 4

Thursday 19 November 2009 4:30

Mrrrrrrrowr! :3 *hiss*

faerygirl 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 4:39

Wow, didn't you know that staring at a cat is a signal of aggression? YDI for owning a cat and not knowing how to handle it. And large eyes on a cat are usually when they're hunting, playing, or fighting. Not calm. However, FYL, cause I imagine that would hurt. :(

ScaryyMary 14

Thursday 19 November 2009 4:42

It could have been worse. Other kinds of face-to-pussy contact leave you with STDs. I'll take cat scratches any day.

cheerbabe_3 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 5:06

I already knew this because I have a cat too. If their pupils grow large, it means they are going to pounce at you.

Selenemoon18 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 5:19

Cats rule the world! You should never look directly into the eyes of your masters. They punish such insolence harshly. But in all seriousness, no shit!

maxus 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 5:28

This is the first FML I've read in a while that really brought a smile to my face... I can just picture this... LMFAO. Thanks for posting :)

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Keywords

Family Miscellaneous Cats DIY Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Management Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Frustration Transportation Dogs Animals ADHD Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 635

You deserved it 42 712

Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 81

The Top

Today, it was my great aunt's funeral. We all had to wait two hours for the service to begin, because they forgot to dig the grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 585

You deserved it 2 735

Today, my mom came in my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Out of pure instinct, from hours of doing this to my girlfriend in this exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother-son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go" before I let her leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 2 082

Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 946

You deserved it 3 393

Today, it's been a year since I've been with my girlfriend, and I think that I hate more things about her than I like. For instance, how she likes to throw furniture at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 094

You deserved it 10 268

Today, I put "Jesus Christ" as a reference on an application, because all the fields needed to be filled in order for the submission to go through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 469

Today, at work I put myself squarely in the lame / old people category when I foolishly asked out loud what FML meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 715

You deserved it 1 604