Animals: Today, I learned that my new parakeet hates her reflection, and...

By bird - 08/01/2014 20:27 - United States - Fort Gratiot

Today, I learned that my new parakeet hates her reflection, and will screech loudly day and night unless I take the mirror out. My other parakeet loves the mirror and constantly cries out when I remove it. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 676

You deserved it 6 158

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Enjoy the sirens

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 04:00

Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 195

By In urgent need of a new roommate - 26/03/2014 23:44 - United States - West Linn

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 552

You deserved it 3 366

Grooming tips

By love bitten - 14/07/2021 10:01 - Australia

Today, after two months of having a bird, she finally trusts me enough to perch on and even preen me. Unfortunately, it seems she thinks my freckles are lice and she's made it her mission to bite them off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 06:22 - Australia

Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 147

You deserved it 4 201

By Noname - 11/03/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I bought a parakeet for my kids. When I got home and presented it to them, they wanted to let him fly around inside. We went around the house making sure all the windows and doors were shut. Unfortunately I forgot to turn off the ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 332

You deserved it 63 449

By sweetie808 - 28/01/2016 08:39 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 760

You deserved it 1 786

What did you say?

By What? - 22/01/2013 19:00 - Australia

Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 658

You deserved it 4 110

MORE! MORE!

By bursteardrums - 16/08/2011 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 344

You deserved it 11 233

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 226

You deserved it 1 157

By weep weep weep - 12/03/2012 03:04 - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 925

You deserved it 3 850

XCrazyMofo2010X 17

Thursday 9 January 2014 0:09

Get them separate cages or a cage with a bottom and top level that one only has access to.

JeWbOy101 11

Thursday 9 January 2014 0:08

That's quite a predicament you see your self in..

Comments

ReyanaC29 11

Thursday 9 January 2014 4:58

Put them in separate cages

SexPot143 13

Thursday 9 January 2014 4:59

Put them in seperate cages

HeWillBeLoved105 22

Thursday 9 January 2014 4:59

Place them in different cages

pabassham 4

Thursday 9 January 2014 5:01

hey them two separate cages

oliver144 4

Thursday 9 January 2014 5:04

Birds are meant to be kept outside let them enjoy the polar vortex

PianoVibes 6

Thursday 9 January 2014 5:08

get a different Cage and move thr ******* bird . its not rocket science .

kayvan 8

Thursday 9 January 2014 5:21

Divide the two parakeets in two separate spaces. Easy.

Vagitarian1 10

Thursday 9 January 2014 5:31

Just lose the birds. Simple.

CurlyQute 17

Thursday 9 January 2014 5:33

Move them into separate rooms.

NicetiesofLife 11

Thursday 9 January 2014 5:43

set them free. those wings are made to fly...

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

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You deserved it 11 507

Ahoy ship's boys and girls ! Today we're heading to France. Be ready to face rain, storm and beer because Lille is welcoming us, and believe me, it's not Los Angeles. Do you all have your raincoats? -Bonjour ! First of all, present yourself ma jol...

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The Top

Today, and for a long time, I've had a phobia of schools. I'm extremely stressed out about starting in a new school. Normal, right? Yes, except that I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 490

You deserved it 10 973

Today, my new boyfriend asked why it takes me so long to reach orgasm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he's never even given me one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 985

You deserved it 7 313

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her, "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home, with no shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 617

You deserved it 3 763

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

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You deserved it 5 175

Today, I was in class when all of a sudden I was hit in the head by a metal pencil case. My teacher threw it at me to get my attention. FML

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You deserved it 35 549

Today, while eating breakfast in a hotel lobby, the woman next to me started playing an obnoxious clip of a baby’s high-pitched crying. The worst part is that my parents refused to let me do anything about it or step away from the loud noise, as they thought it would “embarrass the whole family.” FML

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You deserved it 112