Kids: Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned...

By thedancingtit - 07/06/2016 05:11 - United States - Eagle River

Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned 2 new words from him. One of them was "Hail" and the other one was "Satan". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 060

You deserved it 2 345

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Same thing different taste

By Amithatevil - 29/08/2014 12:35 - Japan - Kawasaki

Today, my brother told my 3 year-old son that cool kids call their parents by their real names. This wouldn't be half as bad if he hadn't also convinced my son that my real name was Satan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 771

You deserved it 4 202

Damien

By Anonymous - 14/06/2022 10:00

Today, as an agency babysitter, I was sent to babysit “Satan’s evil twin.” This kid is so bad, the dad pays additional fees to the agency for every time he damages the sitter's personal items, or if they require a hospital visit. His advice was, "Don’t be afraid to hit him back or he will take your eyes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 29/03/2013 01:13 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 203

You deserved it 18 846

Weird kid

By maria lucia - 05/04/2021 21:30

Today, my ten-year-old daughter now has a habit of going up to random strangers and acting all scared before pointing behind them and whispering, "El Diablo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 204

You ******* idiot

By Handuh15 - 31/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 3 264

By bigbro - 06/09/2016 08:05 - Australia - Southbank

Today, I was babysitting my 6-year-old brother and was playing Mario. When I won, he called me a cunt. I was in shock and asked him where he learnt the word. He said from me when I was driving. He then told my mum that I taught him a new word. Easy to say, I'm in big trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 371

You deserved it 4 979

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 740

You deserved it 4 173

By Ban Hammered - 25/05/2016 10:35 - United States - New York

Today, I babysat my neighbor's twin 4-year-old girls again. When I took them out for lunch, they apparently had been addressing themselves as "my bitches", taught to them by their devil spawn 13-year-old brother. Everyone, including Chuck E. Cheese himself, was not pleased. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 421

You deserved it 869

Don't worry!

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 947

You deserved it 542

The Omen

By Anonymous - 30/05/2012 01:55 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 944

You deserved it 2 013

v4valour 15

Tuesday 7 June 2016 17:40

All you have to do is replace "Satan" with "Hydra" and Boom! A new Captain America is born

Welshite 39

Tuesday 7 June 2016 17:47

Aww she makes such a cute little demon. Keep an eye out for goat heads and pentagrams.

Comments

screamogirl123 18

Tuesday 7 June 2016 19:48

and this is an fml because? sounds like something I would teach a kid.

countryb_cth 38

Tuesday 7 June 2016 19:54

Be glad the second word was Satan and not Hitler.

picklemonger 13

Tuesday 7 June 2016 19:57

Ok, I think we can all agree that "Satan" is not the worst thing that can follow "Hail". Let's all be thankful for that!

RinoaHeartilly 36

Tuesday 7 June 2016 20:02

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Your brother sounds awesome.

NoThanks999 19

Tuesday 7 June 2016 20:11

At least it wasn't "Hitler".

Negan 2

Tuesday 7 June 2016 20:26

"Hail Satan" is so late 70s to early 80s. Who is your brother. Rod Halford?

blackrose1996 11

Tuesday 7 June 2016 20:50

Lmfao you deserved this one

Arkham_Callabero 15

Wednesday 8 June 2016 7:06

As if she would've known that her boyfriend was going to introduce her child to that phrase

nanner6206 24

Wednesday 8 June 2016 22:56

or BROTHER

TheEpicWario 26

Friday 24 June 2016 16:36

Why though?

StarkWolf_fml 23

Tuesday 7 June 2016 20:51

Cut off one head, two more shall take its place!

bad_boyfriend 10

Tuesday 7 June 2016 20:56

Uncles gotta uncle

Pointy 12

Tuesday 7 June 2016 21:29

I like your brother

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The Top

Today, I was driving down the road when a dog suddenly ran across the street. In attempt to spare its life, I swerved to the side of the road and rear-ended another car. The car I hit belonged the family who owned the dog. Now I have to pay them because I saved their dog's life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 358

You deserved it 5 959

Today, my allergies flared up and I started sneezing. I guess my girlfriend was having a bad day, because she lost her shit and started telling me how annoying I am and how I can never do anything right. I'm not sure if we're still a couple, because she stormed out and won't answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 014

You deserved it 3 325

The Top

Today, at work I was sitting on the toilet and a coworker came in and yelled, “That sounded like a big one!” and wouldn't leave until I left came out of the stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 140

Today, I got a facebook relationship request from my crush of 2 and a half years. I was so excited until he posted on my wall, "Sorry wrong Catherine". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 289

You deserved it 5 943

Today, my parents thought it would be a great surprise to accidentally shoot me in the leg for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 644

You deserved it 4 993

Today, I was looking at the map on my phone whilst walking down a street. I heard the sound of a bike behind me so I moved to let the cyclist past. He snatched the phone out of my hand and sped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 522

You deserved it 5 351

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 838

You deserved it 35 557

Today, like every month, I have to play hide and seek. Every month? Yeah. My cervix somehow moves around inside me, and if I want to bleed into my menstrual cup and not around it, I have to find and catch my cervix first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 164