Health: Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML

By Anonymous - 26/04/2011 13:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 183

You deserved it 51 650

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Same thing different taste

By idefka - 08/04/2017 02:00

Today, I found myself lying to my diary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 516

You deserved it 1 861

By Holly - 05/02/2010 07:33 - United States

Today, I lied to the treadmill about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 778

You deserved it 35 273

Liar !

By Anonymous - 14/03/2020 09:00

Today, I lied and told my friends I was a compulsive liar. Well, I think I lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 1 292

By ThunderThighs - 23/07/2014 23:24 - United States - Flemington

Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 202

You deserved it 20 478

By Fatass - 18/04/2014 05:37 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 705

You deserved it 13 879

Cheat day

By Hungry - 03/09/2019 06:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I conveniently "forgot" to write down a bunch of stuff, including a huge kebab, in my Weight Watchers food journal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 2 167

By LP - 15/06/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, my mom accused me of having an eating disorder, and I didn't correct her. Truth is, I lost weight after I went off the pill a year ago. I'm too embarrassed to tell my mom that I haven't had anyone in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 951

You deserved it 7 586

Don't attempt this

By jammy - 25/06/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, after I completely starved myself for a week and exercised every day in an attempt to lose weight, I instead gained 5 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 265

By mattlikesfunions - 18/07/2016 18:56 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 749

You deserved it 1 237

Desks are so judgmental these days!

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was promptly told to lose weight today by my computer desk when it broke under the weight of my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 617

shithappens2memo 0

Tuesday 26 April 2011 19:22

why? who else reads it?

i_wuz_nver_here 31

Tuesday 26 April 2011 19:36

she's cheating on her diary with a sexy little journal.

Comments

GoArmy6624 7

Wednesday 27 April 2011 18:36

hahahahaha fatty

KrazyForYourLuv 0

Wednesday 27 April 2011 20:57

well now, that's a fail...

minniemouse61 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 0:28

FYL haha tht couldn't get much worse!!

mouse1 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 1:41

stupid fat bitch

9hunterp 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 2:17

how could you..now the diary will hat you forever. boo freaking who no reads your diary but you!!

FlaGuy21 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 6:39

But can your big ass fool a diary? I think not.

zombiegurl101 4

Thursday 28 April 2011 8:00

... o.O

sinningkitten 2

Thursday 28 April 2011 11:33

ROTFLMFAO!

Vaesive 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 17:43

Dear diary, I'm a lying loser who lures to you and then feels my life sucks and posts it on fml. Fml

Vaesive 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 17:45

Anyone else read it like this: "Dear diary, I'm a loser who lies to you, thinks my life sucks and then posts it on fml. Fml"

Keywords

Hair Health Haircut Miscellaneous Gifts Money Christmas Lonely Relatable Kids Cars Parents Drunk Awkward Family Ironic Love Social Media Technology Narcissistic parents Holidays Relationship advice Poopoo peepee Annoying Dogs Animals Work My ex Religion AITA

The Top

Today, I realized my breasts look like sweat socks and my ass is sagging so much, it slaps the back of my legs. My neck has grown three chins, and I have put on 40 lbs. Yes, the golden years are here at last, and they can certainly kiss my ass. Happy 50th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 390

You deserved it 522

Today, I found out that the 2 loud "firework booms" I heard were actually a guy shooting his dog on the unfinished road behind my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 575

You deserved it 3 053

The Top

Today, I hit rock bottom; I watched one of those shitty infomercial channels, without even being forced into it at gunpoint. Even worse is that I practically creamed myself over a damn fruit juicer, all because it was 50% off and I could actually afford it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 158

You deserved it 7 433

Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 310

You deserved it 8 875

Today, I found a note on my door that said, "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked." Later, I found another note that said, "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 976

You deserved it 3 915

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 288

You deserved it 14 264

Today, my friend called me freaking out because of an online pregnancy test. She was scared because she had no idea that she was pregnant, let alone having a fifteen-pound baby. The website is a joke. She goes to an Ivy League school, and I couldn't even get into community college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 029

You deserved it 4 182

Today, after my 7 year-old learned at school that water that goes down the sink and toilets is cleaned and then turns up in the taps as drinking water, he is now refusing to drink it at all in case it is recycled toilet water, and if he carries on he may need to be hospitalised for dehydration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 193