Health: Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML

By Anonymous - 26/04/2011 13:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 183

You deserved it 51 650

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By idefka - 08/04/2017 02:00

Today, I found myself lying to my diary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 516

You deserved it 1 861

By Holly - 05/02/2010 07:33 - United States

Today, I lied to the treadmill about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 778

You deserved it 35 273

Liar !

By Anonymous - 14/03/2020 09:00

Today, I lied and told my friends I was a compulsive liar. Well, I think I lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 1 292

By ThunderThighs - 23/07/2014 23:24 - United States - Flemington

Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 202

You deserved it 20 478

By Fatass - 18/04/2014 05:37 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 705

You deserved it 13 879

Cheat day

By Hungry - 03/09/2019 06:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I conveniently "forgot" to write down a bunch of stuff, including a huge kebab, in my Weight Watchers food journal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 2 167

By LP - 15/06/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, my mom accused me of having an eating disorder, and I didn't correct her. Truth is, I lost weight after I went off the pill a year ago. I'm too embarrassed to tell my mom that I haven't had anyone in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 951

You deserved it 7 586

Don't attempt this

By jammy - 25/06/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, after I completely starved myself for a week and exercised every day in an attempt to lose weight, I instead gained 5 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 265

By mattlikesfunions - 18/07/2016 18:56 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 749

You deserved it 1 237

Desks are so judgmental these days!

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was promptly told to lose weight today by my computer desk when it broke under the weight of my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 617

shithappens2memo 0

Tuesday 26 April 2011 19:22

why? who else reads it?

i_wuz_nver_here 31

Tuesday 26 April 2011 19:36

she's cheating on her diary with a sexy little journal.

Comments

Vaesive 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 17:47

Anyone else read it like this: "Dear diary, I'm a loser who lies to you, thinks my life sucks and then posts it on fml. Fml"

hubla 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 18:11

you just reminded me of that song brick house because your like a brick house and you are indeed mighty mighty

decomposerix 0

Friday 29 April 2011 3:38

WTF epic fail:D

McPuffs 0

Friday 29 April 2011 17:11

try doing something about it fatty

nirvanalink 0

Friday 29 April 2011 20:54

by any chance is your diary also your boyfriend ydi

bootystank 0

Saturday 30 April 2011 0:36

wow... your fat!

FrauFernand 0

Saturday 30 April 2011 5:13

If you can afford it- just get liposuction (: why not?

Leatherandlace 0

Sunday 1 May 2011 0:48

Too bad the scale isn't that easy.

JadouneFML 2

Sunday 1 May 2011 21:02

ahah fav !

wobeert 7

Monday 2 May 2011 3:46

it probably wouldve made of yoiu just like everyone else...

Keywords

Health Haircut Hair Miscellaneous Money Christmas Gifts Relatable Lonely Drunk Parents Cars Kids Family Awkward Ironic Love Social Media Technology Narcissistic parents Holidays Relationship advice Dogs Animals Annoying Poopoo peepee My ex Work Religion Shopping

The Top

Today, I was selling cookie dough for a fundraiser at an old folks home. One lady ordered a box and told me that she loved cookie dough. I told her it'd be here in four weeks, she said, "Oh I can't wait!" Not really thinking, as I left I said, "I hope you can make it till then!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 109

You deserved it 66 796

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 035

You deserved it 3 413

The Top

Today, I thought my boyfriend was kidding when he said he'd dump me if I actually ate pineapple on pizza. I ordered it. I ate it. I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 209

You deserved it 1 195

Today, I had a piano audition for a musical. Afterwards, the judge asked if I had any experience with percussion, and then told me she was considering me for a percussion part. I guess my piano audition really was THAT bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 059

You deserved it 1 085

Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 133

You deserved it 3 138

Today, before going to bed my phone lit up and I got all excited because I thought it was a text message. My phone was finished charging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 677

You deserved it 46 319

Today, I punched my wife in the face, because she jumped out from behind the bedroom door in the dark. I'm afraid of the dark. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 214

You deserved it 42 104

Today, I realized I've lived alone too long. I read 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' to my cat. I used expression in my voice, and I made sure he could see the pictures. My son called, and I told him about it. He gave me the number for the local psychiatric ward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 545

You deserved it 9 875