Health: Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML - FML

FML for mobile
Free

Open in app

By Anonymous - 26/04/2011 13:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 187

You deserved it 51 656

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By idefka - 08/04/2017 02:00

Today, I found myself lying to my diary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 521

You deserved it 1 866

By Holly - 05/02/2010 07:33 - United States

Today, I lied to the treadmill about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 781

You deserved it 35 283

Liar !

By Anonymous - 14/03/2020 09:00

Today, I lied and told my friends I was a compulsive liar. Well, I think I lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 1 298

By ThunderThighs - 23/07/2014 23:24 - United States - Flemington

Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 209

You deserved it 20 483

By Fatass - 18/04/2014 05:37 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 709

You deserved it 13 882

Cheat day

By Hungry - 03/09/2019 06:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I conveniently "forgot" to write down a bunch of stuff, including a huge kebab, in my Weight Watchers food journal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 2 179

By LP - 15/06/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, my mom accused me of having an eating disorder, and I didn't correct her. Truth is, I lost weight after I went off the pill a year ago. I'm too embarrassed to tell my mom that I haven't had anyone in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 958

You deserved it 7 589

Don't attempt this

By jammy - 25/06/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, after I completely starved myself for a week and exercised every day in an attempt to lose weight, I instead gained 5 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 281

By mattlikesfunions - 18/07/2016 18:56 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 760

You deserved it 1 239

Desks are so judgmental these days!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I was promptly told to lose weight today by my computer desk when it broke under the weight of my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 804

Next

Top comments

shithappens2memo 0

Tuesday 26 April 2011 19:22

why? who else reads it?

i_wuz_nver_here 31

Tuesday 26 April 2011 19:36

she's cheating on her diary with a sexy little journal.

Comments

G3rArD0 0

Monday 2 May 2011 6:12

you just suck at life

liebestoter753 5

Tuesday 3 May 2011 1:59

lol fatass

fraqtl 1

Tuesday 3 May 2011 4:43

bwahahahahaha!!!!

NecromancerA7X 0

Thursday 5 May 2011 18:25

I'm 16 and 96 lbs. yay for metabolism, candy, and hot pockets!

AveraX76 0

Thursday 5 May 2011 20:36

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. SO does your diary think you are 200 pounds...

golflover123 1

Wednesday 13 July 2011 7:40

you little rebel..

Bobby64 29

Tuesday 19 July 2011 15:58

I've kept a journal for a while, and I'll admit I sometimes gloss over things I'm not proud of because I don't wanna think about them. But flat-out lying? And about your weight? That's sad.

Ali_Ridhima541 0

Friday 22 July 2011 6:38

why would u..? what I'n the...? uff nvm

avbav99 0

Friday 12 August 2011 0:46

Why?!?

MeleMallory 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 8:50

And how will that help you?

11
12
13
14
15

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Friends Awkward Annoying Cheating Intimacy Sex Health Embarrassing Sports Coworkers Work Kids Parenting Cute Weird Babysitter Love Geek Healthy Lifestyle AITA Poopoo peepee Birthday Surprise My ex Money Relationship advice Mental health Family Music

The Top

Today, I managed to not think too much about how alone I feel living in a strange city, and I went out to find a quiet place to write and eat. After I ordered my meal, I saw that I was the only diner that was sitting alone at a table. Then "All By Myself" came on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 288

You deserved it 3 658

Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 127

You deserved it 39 929

The Top

Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 068

You deserved it 911

Today, I swerved to avoid running over a dead cat in the road. Instead, I ran over its head. The crack of its skull was loud enough for me to hear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 370

You deserved it 8 482

Today, I was at work, the Disney Store. A little boy was crying so I went over to him. After talking to him for a little while I found out he couldn't find his mother. When he became comfortable I went to help him stand up, he choked back his tears and then puked all over me from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 144

You deserved it 2 196

Today, after having a shower, I walked back into my room butt naked. As I looked up I saw the window cleaner staring right at me. I looked. He looked. And without thinking I dropped straight to the floor to hid myself, then realized my naked butt was still staring right at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 697

You deserved it 6 826

Today, for our anniversary, I sang my boyfriend a heartfelt, self-written song. The first thing he said when I finished was "Your fly is open." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 153

You deserved it 6 421

Today, due to an emergency, I ended up working for 18 hours instead of 13. I'd texted my unemployed wife to let her know this was unavoidable, but when I got home she blamed me like she thought I planned this in advance, yelled at me, and my dinner was Heinz tomato soup I had to heat up myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 110