Health: Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here?...

By Widowmaker - 28/11/2012 18:09 - United States - Henderson

Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 693

You deserved it 48 690

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Same thing different taste

Bailed out

By Why's it so cold in here? - 01/02/2015 18:13 - United States

Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 831

You deserved it 2 980

Freakout

By emmey - 23/07/2009 19:43 - United States

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 918

You deserved it 44 882

By Anonymous - 02/01/2010 07:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend had to be hospitalized to drain poison from a bad spider bite. His mom is convinced that he got it from my house and won't let him come over anymore. I suppose she's right, because guess who found a spider web under their bed today, along with 5 new spider bites? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 037

You deserved it 4 691

Freak out

By Brooke - 09/08/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, my skin was turning black, and I believed I was reacting to a spider bite. I spent 4 hours waiting in an emergency room in the middle of the night, paid a $100 copay, and missed a night with my boyfriend just to have a doctor wipe dye from my brand new black jeans off with alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 938

You deserved it 57 184

By Anonymous - 28/02/2015 09:04 - Australia

Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 461

You deserved it 2 650

Juicy breakfast

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 160

No Ragerts

By "Sonofaquiche" - 07/05/2017 00:00

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up in the hospital with a broken coccyx. Apparently, my drunk self came to the glorious conclusion that it would be a good idea to cannonball into a puddle while screaming "POOLPARTYYYY!" at the top of my lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 110

You deserved it 5 703

By igotpride - 09/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 822

You deserved it 5 381

Panic!

By Bleach dat Blood - 20/07/2015 03:02

Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 119

You deserved it 3 814

By olive_costume - 05/12/2009 01:16 - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 720

You deserved it 8 065

Harpy20 24

Wednesday 28 November 2012 22:31

Don't stick your dick in dirty holes. Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to a doctor.

ks23 9

Wednesday 28 November 2012 22:32

I feel bad for the spider. Who knows what you gave him seeing as you stick your dick in anything

Comments

dragynfyre 4

Thursday 29 November 2012 6:06

Wow. You know being a coed party you'd think you could have found at least one random hole that did not involve a black widow spider.

cannonman1863 17

Thursday 29 November 2012 7:05

Good news OP, there were more than 450 people who felt sorry for you. I, however, was not one of them. At least you'll probably never make that mistake again

Lex016 6

Thursday 29 November 2012 9:53

Total moron...

advent2060 4

Thursday 29 November 2012 11:33

I wanna say FYL to that one but I can't read this without imagining getting to be the doctor that came into work and had you as their first case of the day and upon reading the chart busts out laughing at how stupid you are but then has to try and be professional when in front of you by having this weird half smirk on his face and has to turn away every now and then to cover up laughter with coughing...YTFDI bro

HitchHiker42 18

Thursday 29 November 2012 11:53

That absolutely sucks, but at the same time you did kind of deserve it.

kemnet 7

Thursday 29 November 2012 14:13

Dude...you're gonna have a hole in your dick

frackhappens 3

Thursday 29 November 2012 14:54

Ass.

calthius 0

Thursday 29 November 2012 16:33

Palmela Handerson will help with your sexual tension...don't ever resort to sticking your dick in unknown holes. FYI what would happen if someone was behind that hole and they bit it?

SoylentCandycorn 10

Thursday 29 November 2012 17:08

You stuck your dick in that poor spider's face without even trying to romance her first? You could have at least asked her name first, or taken her out to dinner.