By RaccoonFever - 10/01/2014 11:15 - United States - La Jolla

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks 47 323
You deserved it 5 781
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Comments

coried91 28

First off, it would be shoot. Secondly, there are many other ways to handle the situation then just killing them.

9 21
jerryj 27

First off, it would be "than". Secondly, #14 could have meant "shoot at them", as in, their general direction. You know, to scare them off. Not entirely humane but it's not killing them :)

11 8
coried91 28

I did type than. My phone changed it to then because I use then more. By the time I saw then it was to late to edit. If they meant to shoot in their general direction I'm pretty sure he would have said shoot in their general direction to scare them not "shot them".

6 24
Enslaved 36

And that one's a *(rac)coon! Who let all of this riff-raff into the room? There's one smoking a joint, And another with spots! If I had my way, I'd have all of you shot!

10 4
amDes 11

Maybe he meant shots as in alcoholic shots? And decided to say it in a gangsta rap type of way.... "shot them" like how I would say "beer me?".

6 2
That_Ginger 18

You guys are looking at this all wrong. He obviously meant "Shot them!" What a hero. OP owes this guy big time.

14 1
jessBeAqueen 13

paint a black mask over your eyes and try to blend in....or you can dress up like Pocahontas and name one meeko!

42 0
JMichael 25

Grab a broom and go all Kung Fu Fighting on their ass.

22 1
israelnotjacob 20

If this is true they're almost definitely carrying rabies, so call animal control right now.

2 1
perdix 29

Order a bunch of pizza and soda and let the raccoons feast on it. They'll get fat and lazy, develop diabetes and clogged arteries and die quickly. That strategy has worked on people, so it'll probably work on raccoons, too.

52 4
T0xiiK23 5

Or, you can just let the raccoons gang up on the guy who's delivering while you make a break for it! XD

21 1
coried91 28

That reminds me of an episode of "Call of the wild man". A possum made its way into a house and ate so much food that the poor thing was to tired to try and fight the person trying to remove him from the house. He didn't die thankfully.

9 3
pandalover69 26

Those are probably as domesticated as they come, they've probably been around humans for generations. That's what happens when people feed them but that's cute. I'm glad they're friendly there. It's the ones that you find at your home that you have to worry about.

0 1
scottyspot 11

Go through a window!

5 1
StompinOnCrayons 15

Raccoon-a-matata man, live with 'em

18 1
jazzy_123 20

did you just.... you did! Awesome x)

3 1
grunt_fml 17

So, Resident Evil was right. Raccoon City - no one gets out alive. I wonder if they plan to eat you alive as well...

8 0
cbcs222 13

This is what you need to do! Open your door and get in your hands and knees. You trick the raccoons like your one of theirs, your new so now you have to prove yourself. You do by taking out a rival raccoon gang. Once you prove yourself you become a full member, once you become a full member you start to conspire with the other raccoons. You then make a plan to overthrow the current raccoon leader. You do so. Once you become leader you take out all of the other raccoon gangs and enslave them as your raccoon army. Then you take your raccoon army to the kingdom of the o'possum. You then conquer them and quell anyone in your way. Thus, beginning you and your raccoon army quest to conquer the free world!

17 2