Intimacy: Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had...

By pleasedtomeetyou - 13/01/2010 16:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 152

You deserved it 16 380

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Same thing different taste

Impressive

By Anonymous - 01/01/2010 00:06 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time and hoped to make a good first impression. When I tried to say 'Hello', a loud rippling burp came up from my throat, and not only that. A small chunk of mucus flew out and landed on the floor between us. So much for a good first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 017

You deserved it 5 842

Well hello there…

By acinorev - 07/08/2021 22:01

Today, my boyfriend's antisocial father actually decided to talk to me. Too bad I couldn't respond, due to the fact that I still had his son's penis in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 514

Oh, hai Mark!

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 12:00

Today, my boyfriend's antisocial father actually decided to talk to me. Too bad I couldn't respond, due to the fact that I still had his son's penis in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 177

You deserved it 806

By anon - 16/03/2015 04:10 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 761

You deserved it 2 594

By Oh God - 24/05/2018 06:00

Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 136

You deserved it 1 458

By Jes_jes18 - 02/05/2013 18:27 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 972

You deserved it 7 692

Felicia doesn't approve

By uneek_3225 - 22/10/2009 05:53 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 808

You deserved it 3 540

By At least she knows I floss - 25/08/2017 14:15 - United States - Pomona

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents and everything was going perfectly. He and I even had some time alone upstairs, where I gave him a blowjob. After dinner, his mom helpfully pointed out something stuck in my braces and inspected it for me. It was a pube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 499

You deserved it 5 319

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 795

By the girlfriend - 26/08/2011 10:41 - United Kingdom

Today, at my boyfriend's house, I met his mother for the first time. And promptly fell in their pond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 081

You deserved it 4 168

lahp 0

Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:16

that blows..... :D

CrazyWill 0

Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:08

Ouch. Probably not the best way to meet her.

Comments

lizzrd1022 0

Wednesday 13 January 2010 21:27

that's SUCKSSSS!

temescal 0

Wednesday 13 January 2010 21:46

It's better than your BF meeting your dad that way.

loc916 0

Wednesday 13 January 2010 21:50

bitch u are retarded

kamy24 0

Wednesday 13 January 2010 21:51

uhm #2 (snickerdoodles) what else is she supposed to do? fly through the window

Viper32233223 0

Wednesday 13 January 2010 22:12

that sux literally

teamedwardftw 0

Wednesday 13 January 2010 22:14

haha you suck

Goople 0

Wednesday 13 January 2010 22:17

this is why mother-in-laws are pains in the ass. good luck OP, good luck

somethingnew24 0

Wednesday 13 January 2010 22:20

omg that is sooo hilarious!!!!

FMLtimes316 0

Wednesday 13 January 2010 22:23

ahahaha that made my day. u poor thing! that wld totally suck!!

Reutan 0

Wednesday 13 January 2010 22:23

Ouch, fyl. However, beautifully phrased to deliver the maximum amount of ">_

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The Top

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 787

You deserved it 22 726

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 3 979

The Top

Today, whilst at work, I had a woman come in with a problem with the seat in her car not moving backwards or forwards. There was a dildo stuck in the chair rail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 848

You deserved it 281

Today, I wanted to bust my introverted routine and posted on social media an invite to see a play. Two friends responded. I took the first up on the offer but she backed out later. When I tried to get tickets for the day the second friend was going, they were sold out. I'm now going to the play by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 101

Today, I was listening to my favorite albums by the Prodigy. Most are from the '90s, with one from 2015. I caught myself thinking about how much better it is than what's out now. It was then that I realized that I AM the old curmudgeon who complains about "today's music." FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 249

Today, I was standing next to the girl I like while she was looking at her phone. She dropped it and I tried to save it by catching it with my foot. I ended up kicking it across the room, cracking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 717

Today, a guy I was seeing’s father passed away. He’d told me he “needed time to grieve” and he’d reach out when he’s ready to talk again. This was a month ago and haven’t heard from him. I just saw my Instagram feed containing a picture of him and his new girlfriend kissing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 102

Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument. She admitted she didn't know why she was pissed at me, but still is, and now she won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 523

You deserved it 4 177