Miscellaneous: Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet...

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 17:17 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 460

You deserved it 7 228

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Same thing different taste

By The Cat Tickler - 13/09/2018 15:00

Today, I was talking to myself and got distracted when I was going to put chapstick on my lips. I took the cap off my deodorant and put it on my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 1 410

By leosmom - 25/11/2018 03:00

Today, I used a glue stick instead of my Carmex lip balm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 970

You deserved it 1 267

By anonymous - 21/10/2013 06:53 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 300

You deserved it 7 209

By pinkblankets - 19/04/2009 01:55 - United States

Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 089

You deserved it 29 884

The pits

By BFF4L - 12/02/2024 22:00 - Canada

Today, I was running late for work and grabbed what I thought was my deodorant. Turns out, it was my husband's foot spray. Now I'm at the office smelling like a combination of roses and athlete's foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 349

By chapstick - 09/01/2014 03:23 - United States - San Dimas

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 896

You deserved it 13 695

Broke boy

By LemonTree - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Hungary

Today, I realized that I'd run out of deodorant. On top of that, I was late to work so I had to run, making me all sweaty and smelly. To cover it up, I used the air-freshener in the toilet at work. Everyone recognized the "Lemon Tree" scent and now all of my colleagues think I'm a cheap bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 379

You deserved it 7 175

Whiffy

By Uber Chad - 25/03/2023 10:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was in a rush to get to work and forgot to put on deodorant. I didn't realize until my coworker told me I smelled like a gym sock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 365

By g'day cunt - 26/08/2012 18:27 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my dog head-butted me in the mouth so hard that my lip split open. Twenty minutes later, I unthinkingly sprayed perfume directly into the wound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 643

You deserved it 28 879

By Anonymos_fmler - 21/10/2014 00:38 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 916

You deserved it 5 293

swaglesshipster 23

Monday 19 January 2015 23:04

Band kid problems

darryaz 9

Monday 19 January 2015 22:56

At least your clarinet smells like cherries.

Comments

pere 11

Tuesday 20 January 2015 5:32

Whew buddy, I did not read that as "cork" the first time.

ericaharris1998 2

Tuesday 20 January 2015 5:32

If you play a instrument with corks it's bound to happen...I can say I haven't done it yet doe

bryce0110 23

Tuesday 20 January 2015 6:03

I have a saxophone and my fork grease smells like root beer.

SnoringMonkeyObs 14

Tuesday 20 January 2015 6:52

Squidward.

fenixgtr 7

Tuesday 20 January 2015 8:01

Hey at least the clarinet smells good n not for your lips btw I play the clarinet

kirbs19 37

Tuesday 20 January 2015 8:32

Won't that ruin your instrument?

eightbithero 12

Tuesday 20 January 2015 8:52

This one time... At band camp...

AlwaysWatching 27

Tuesday 20 January 2015 22:11

Insert endless possibilities here

mergeterge 24

Tuesday 20 January 2015 8:52

Definitely used to play the clarinet... Definitely did this before. You're not alone!

allred1997 19

Tuesday 20 January 2015 9:35

Almost made that mistake to many times

jademitch 20

Tuesday 20 January 2015 11:02

Wow, clever one

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 792

You deserved it 11 207

Today, I was grocery shopping when a little kid pointed at me and yelled, "Mommy, look! It's the man from the cereal box!" I don’t know whether to feel flattered or insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 84

The Top

Today, I woke up, took a shower, made some pasta, drank 3 glasses of water and brushed my teeth. I then left my apartment to see signs posted all over warning us not to use the water without boiling it because the water company just found E-coli in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 897

You deserved it 4 327

Today, after arriving home from work I found that my dog took a dump down the air conditioning vents on the floor. Now the whole house smells so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 480

You deserved it 5 278

Today, I found out I've recently developed a bladder control issue. Every time I lift anything more than about fifteen pounds, I pee myself a little. I work in a warehouse. Heavy lifting is my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 293

You deserved it 2 694

Today, I was at home and my boyfriend called me and said that I'd left my G-string at his house. I only have one G-string and I was wearing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 056

You deserved it 2 766

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 452

You deserved it 4 233

Today, my son came running in, saying he had a project due tomorrow. I asked when it was assigned; he said two weeks ago. I refused to help, saying that he failed to act responsibly and had to live with the consequences. Now he's throwing a tantrum and my wife is screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 252

Same thing different taste

The pits

Broke boy

Whiffy

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