Miscellaneous: Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet... - FML

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 17:17 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 460

You deserved it 7 228

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Same thing different taste

By The Cat Tickler - 13/09/2018 15:00

Today, I was talking to myself and got distracted when I was going to put chapstick on my lips. I took the cap off my deodorant and put it on my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 1 410

By leosmom - 25/11/2018 03:00

Today, I used a glue stick instead of my Carmex lip balm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 970

You deserved it 1 267

By anonymous - 21/10/2013 06:53 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 300

You deserved it 7 209

By pinkblankets - 19/04/2009 01:55 - United States

Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 089

You deserved it 29 884

The pits

By BFF4L - 12/02/2024 22:00 - Canada

Today, I was running late for work and grabbed what I thought was my deodorant. Turns out, it was my husband's foot spray. Now I'm at the office smelling like a combination of roses and athlete's foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 349

By chapstick - 09/01/2014 03:23 - United States - San Dimas

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 896

You deserved it 13 695

Broke boy

By LemonTree - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Hungary

Today, I realized that I'd run out of deodorant. On top of that, I was late to work so I had to run, making me all sweaty and smelly. To cover it up, I used the air-freshener in the toilet at work. Everyone recognized the "Lemon Tree" scent and now all of my colleagues think I'm a cheap bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 379

You deserved it 7 175

Whiffy

By Uber Chad - 25/03/2023 10:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was in a rush to get to work and forgot to put on deodorant. I didn't realize until my coworker told me I smelled like a gym sock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 365

By g'day cunt - 26/08/2012 18:27 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my dog head-butted me in the mouth so hard that my lip split open. Twenty minutes later, I unthinkingly sprayed perfume directly into the wound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 643

You deserved it 28 879

By Anonymos_fmler - 21/10/2014 00:38 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 916

You deserved it 5 293

Next

Top comments

swaglesshipster 23

Monday 19 January 2015 23:04

Band kid problems

darryaz 9

Monday 19 January 2015 22:56

At least your clarinet smells like cherries.

Comments

Scryll 17

Tuesday 20 January 2015 0:25

Om nom nom nom cork grease

BeautifulLiesx 24

Tuesday 20 January 2015 0:34

Chapstick works great as cork grease, and cork grease as Chapstick tastes gross, but is totally okay to use. :)

whtevrzxx 3

Tuesday 20 January 2015 0:43

That happened to me once

earthality 4

Tuesday 20 January 2015 1:05

As a saxophone player, I use cork grease too, and I've never had cork grease that smelled like gym floor.

buckdharma 37

Tuesday 20 January 2015 1:27

Roll over Beethoven.

StaceeeP 23

Tuesday 20 January 2015 1:34

My friend saw my cork grease in my case once when I was in school and used it thinking it was lip balm. Served her right for taking things without asking

davek 36

Tuesday 20 January 2015 1:40

Something about kissing a girl and liking it.

fml_user_314 6

Tuesday 20 January 2015 1:41

been there too. the chapstick was too slippery and the clarinet fell out and broke. it was brand new. adding to that, the cork came off with it...

Mandybruin 15

Tuesday 20 January 2015 2:47

Dang. This made my heart weep. Going to go hug my clarinet now.

lumene 17

Tuesday 20 January 2015 2:01

Been there!

schlippy 6

Tuesday 20 January 2015 2:14

I use cork grease as Chapstick all the time

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 275

You deserved it 3 577

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 22 712

The Top

Today, my husband is a pain. He thinks he might be bisexual, because we discovered he likes to have sex with a plug up his ass, and yet when I suggest a threesome or even if he experiments with a guy on his own, he gets this look like I want him to kiss a dead badger. I don’t know what he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 475

Today, I had to back down and buy a popsocket, which I'd declared useless and stupid since they first came out. I had to buy one after dropping my phone on my toddler's head while he was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 1 064

Today, I was dropping my new boyfriend off at his house. I'd never been there before, so he was giving me directions as I drove. We passed a small trailer home on the right. Without thinking, I said, "I'm so glad I don't live in a house like that." My boyfriend told me to turn right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 161

You deserved it 67 156

Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 037

You deserved it 4 134

Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 242

You deserved it 22 778

Today, my husband's daughter told us that she's 5 months pregnant. I'm going to be a step grandmother and I'm only 23 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 139

You deserved it 48 302