Miscellaneous: Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found... - FML

By jumpy - 03/01/2010 23:59 - United States

Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found this very calming till I woke up to ants trying to eat my eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 623

You deserved it 6 554

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Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By lemonhead - 23/05/2011 01:58

Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 924

You deserved it 47 472

Nature finds a way

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 18:00 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I decided to take a nap in the park. I found a nice shady spot and closed my eyes. When I woke up, I realized I had fallen asleep on an ant hill. My entire body was riddled with ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 457

Code red

By Zooep - 24/10/2016 13:54

Today, I had to prepare for my big meeting tomorrow morning. Before going to bed, I washed my face. Unfortunately, the towel I wiped myself with turned out to house our red ant infestation. My face looks like a ripe tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 741

You deserved it 792

By ewicsmelly - 29/12/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I kept finding ants crawling all over my face. After a while, I realized that they were all coming from my beard. I have had a population of ants living in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 755

You deserved it 56 777

Freak Scene

By antsgomarching - 06/10/2020 17:01

Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I felt an itch on my arm. Then another. Then another. I finally looked to see what was going on, only to find a bunch of ants crawling in my bed. They were somehow getting in through the closed window. Guess I’m done sleeping tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 123

By Steve - 24/02/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 678

You deserved it 36 219

By Anonymous - 04/09/2014 06:44 - United States - Saginaw

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 543

You deserved it 3 838

By Anonymous - 05/06/2017 22:00

Today, I woke up early to weird scratching and smacking noises. After gathering enough courage to check what it was, I found out it was just an ant stuck on a piece of paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 211

You deserved it 345

Chip on your shoulder

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 13:59 - United States

Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. and ate some chips that were on my nightstand, totally unaware that they were covered in ants. Now I have two swollen lips and my kid’s birthday party is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 1 131

By tommy3824 - 20/08/2009 12:45 - United States

Today, was the first day all week I got to sleep in. I woke up this beautiful morning to the sun shining in my window and hundreds of carpenter ants crawling over my sheets and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 573

You deserved it 3 087

Next

Top comments

Reyo 2

Monday 4 January 2010 9:08

What is the reasoning behind putting sliced veggies on your face to relax? Will sticking a carrot up my ass achieve the same effect?

paprikacha 9

Monday 4 January 2010 9:24

It's supposed to reduce puffiness/dark circles under the eyes. I've never done it myself, so I have no idea how well it really works when you just use actual cucumber slices instead of the cosmetic cucumber pads they sell. Just saying there's a legitimate reason behind it and OP isn't just crazy. : )

Comments

isantorin 0

Monday 4 January 2010 9:07

Slightly YDI- if your house has ants, why would you leave food on your person and fall asleep?! It does suck though, especially if you didn't know about the ants.

PeopleRSoDumb 0

Monday 4 January 2010 10:20

Props for having an original FML.

CMCAK 0

Monday 4 January 2010 12:37

Oh I agree! I really laughed at this one! :)

Reyo 2

Monday 4 January 2010 9:08

What is the reasoning behind putting sliced veggies on your face to relax? Will sticking a carrot up my ass achieve the same effect?

JulzKay 0

Monday 4 January 2010 9:12

Maybe?

paprikacha 9

Monday 4 January 2010 9:24

It's supposed to reduce puffiness/dark circles under the eyes. I've never done it myself, so I have no idea how well it really works when you just use actual cucumber slices instead of the cosmetic cucumber pads they sell. Just saying there's a legitimate reason behind it and OP isn't just crazy. : )

lovingamylea 0

Monday 4 January 2010 10:09

@Reyo... well, if you're into that kind of thing ;)

lovingamylea 0

Monday 4 January 2010 14:09

Agree with pendatic. Baby carrots won't do it. Actually, I'd recommend papayas for that real "kick" ;)

TwistedShadow 7

Sunday 3 March 2013 21:56

It won't make you relax, actually I'm pretty sure you'd walk stiffly for a day or too... unless you just got out of prison... if you catch my drift...

cronagorgon 11

Tuesday 16 June 2015 17:41

Possibly maybe you should try

wazdog 4

Monday 4 January 2010 9:10

Were you sleeping in the backyard?

nofyourlife 0

Monday 4 January 2010 9:11

it's january and you live in massachusetts, most of which is currently covered in snow. what ants? fake.

mura_fml 0

Monday 4 January 2010 10:28

Just because all fmls start with "today" doesn't mean this really happened today, or where the OP lives for that matter.

wellinever 5

Monday 4 January 2010 10:29

Damn those cucumber eating ice ants of Massachusetts! Can ruin your whole day.

LadyKaya 0

Tuesday 5 January 2010 4:53

you made me laugh more than the fml, thank you.

Azn_Invasion 0

Monday 4 January 2010 9:30

did you pitch a tent?

dangletsbang21 0

Monday 4 January 2010 9:32

haha, reyo is hilarious :)

NotVeryOriginal 0

Monday 4 January 2010 9:35

...lame attempt at humor

kbaker90 0

Monday 4 January 2010 9:38

I'm sorry, that's terrible, but the way it's worded made me laugh.

EveryDayJackAss 0

Monday 4 January 2010 9:42

ROFL, Reyo is awesome

elishaax 0

Monday 4 January 2010 10:07

Eww :L

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work My ex Jealousy Health Accident ADHD Medication Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

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I agree, your life sucks 11 178

You deserved it 49 821

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I agree, your life sucks 3 487

You deserved it 448

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I agree, your life sucks 49 311

You deserved it 7 116

Today, like every year, my next-door neighbors started setting off their fireworks at exactly midnight. Also, like every year, the sensitive car alarm belonging to another neighbor has gone off with every firework. It's been almost six hours of nonstop alarms and explosions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 741

You deserved it 1 150

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I agree, your life sucks 4 305

You deserved it 389