Miscellaneous: Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found... - FML

By jumpy - 03/01/2010 23:59 - United States

Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found this very calming till I woke up to ants trying to eat my eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 623

You deserved it 6 554

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Same thing different taste

By lemonhead - 23/05/2011 01:58

Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 924

You deserved it 47 472

Nature finds a way

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 18:00 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I decided to take a nap in the park. I found a nice shady spot and closed my eyes. When I woke up, I realized I had fallen asleep on an ant hill. My entire body was riddled with ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 457

Code red

By Zooep - 24/10/2016 13:54

Today, I had to prepare for my big meeting tomorrow morning. Before going to bed, I washed my face. Unfortunately, the towel I wiped myself with turned out to house our red ant infestation. My face looks like a ripe tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 741

You deserved it 792

By ewicsmelly - 29/12/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I kept finding ants crawling all over my face. After a while, I realized that they were all coming from my beard. I have had a population of ants living in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 755

You deserved it 56 777

Freak Scene

By antsgomarching - 06/10/2020 17:01

Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I felt an itch on my arm. Then another. Then another. I finally looked to see what was going on, only to find a bunch of ants crawling in my bed. They were somehow getting in through the closed window. Guess I’m done sleeping tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 123

By Steve - 24/02/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 678

You deserved it 36 219

By Anonymous - 04/09/2014 06:44 - United States - Saginaw

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 543

You deserved it 3 838

By Anonymous - 05/06/2017 22:00

Today, I woke up early to weird scratching and smacking noises. After gathering enough courage to check what it was, I found out it was just an ant stuck on a piece of paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 211

You deserved it 345

Chip on your shoulder

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 13:59 - United States

Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. and ate some chips that were on my nightstand, totally unaware that they were covered in ants. Now I have two swollen lips and my kid’s birthday party is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 1 131

By tommy3824 - 20/08/2009 12:45 - United States

Today, was the first day all week I got to sleep in. I woke up this beautiful morning to the sun shining in my window and hundreds of carpenter ants crawling over my sheets and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 573

You deserved it 3 087

Next

Top comments

Reyo 2

Monday 4 January 2010 9:08

What is the reasoning behind putting sliced veggies on your face to relax? Will sticking a carrot up my ass achieve the same effect?

paprikacha 9

Monday 4 January 2010 9:24

It's supposed to reduce puffiness/dark circles under the eyes. I've never done it myself, so I have no idea how well it really works when you just use actual cucumber slices instead of the cosmetic cucumber pads they sell. Just saying there's a legitimate reason behind it and OP isn't just crazy. : )

Comments

GriefBacon 0

Monday 4 January 2010 16:46

You're only supposed to leave the cucumbers on for like ten minutes.

PurpleKuSh_fml 0

Monday 4 January 2010 17:26

if ur gay then maybe reyo

Flutist 3

Monday 4 January 2010 17:49

Reyo, I suggest you purchase some toys for this type of thing. Just sticking a carrot in your ass might cause infection. I also suggest you work your way up to the carrot. Perhaps your boyfriend/sex slave can help you with this. I wish you and Op all the best with your fetishes. Though carrot in the ass is better than slathering yourself in ants and letting them nibble on you.

Flutist 3

Tuesday 5 January 2010 6:39

If not cleaned right. Its the fact that raw carrots can be rought and cause abrasions thus causing irritation. If they cleaned it then the carrot would not cause problems. Also using a condom on top of the carrot prevents these sort of things. (This information was brought to you by my gay friend Jimmy.)

GiRIsMakingCupca 0

Monday 4 January 2010 17:52

wait so the ants were trying to eat your eyes out ??! or is that just an expression?!

GruntOfAction 0

Monday 4 January 2010 18:30

They were eating the things she put on her eyes. So almost.

skittleface 0

Monday 4 January 2010 18:35

This is the first FML that has made me laugh out loud. God, I would hate to have ants on my face, much less on my eyes.

Bertha5 0

Monday 4 January 2010 22:54

aha. ur lucky they didn't crawl into ur ears and eat ur brains. it's happened.

saladgirl123 0

Tuesday 5 January 2010 0:23

lmao i really loled too.

Jenmaree 9

Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:01

I find this really hard to believe.

Wii624 5

Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:35

AHH! Cringe!

ryan007665 0

Tuesday 5 January 2010 6:15

hahahaha reyo :]

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The Top

Today, I have a skin disease that causes my arms and legs to have small, but noticeable, red bumps on them. Trying to stay confident, I put on a swimsuit and went to the pool, only to be bumped into by a cute guy, who then asked why my arms were so "bumpy and disgusting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 109

Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML

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The Top

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You deserved it 368

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I agree, your life sucks 44 243

You deserved it 4 785

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I agree, your life sucks 39 251

You deserved it 4 494

Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly." My friend told him off, causing him to cry, and shout, "But she isn't pretty!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 484

You deserved it 5 002

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 533

You deserved it 3 118

Today, while looking through a stack of possible pictures for Facebook, I found one I really liked, until I noticed that I have recently developed a bald patch. Problem? I am a 22 year old woman. FML

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You deserved it 3 073