Miscellaneous: Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock...

By Stormbringer - 01/02/2011 06:37

Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 458

You deserved it 4 119

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Same thing different taste

By andromeda80 - 28/03/2012 13:52 - United States - Lakewood

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 495

You deserved it 2 817

By Anonymous - 29/08/2013 09:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 818

You deserved it 2 731

By peepeepainter - 07/01/2014 02:25 - United States - Jasper

Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 338

You deserved it 8 126

Stained

By Anonymous - 06/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 427

You deserved it 207

By WasteOfTime - 01/11/2009 14:36 - United Kingdom

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 361

You deserved it 3 449

By spaceforrent - 16/11/2012 05:51 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 384

You deserved it 3 016

By Anonymous - 11/07/2011 07:42 - Australia

Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 595

You deserved it 3 285

By historyrepeats - 11/07/2019 04:00

Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 620

You deserved it 318

Together forever

By Will - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 265

You deserved it 5 165

Remodeling

By Spelit - 13/08/2010 19:45 - United States

Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 015

You deserved it 13 620

x_Cupcakes 0

Tuesday 1 February 2011 12:10

Black and yellow! (:

DahkLohd 4

Tuesday 1 February 2011 19:03

You could have just said "black ****." "Giant black ****" is a bit redundant.

Comments

Scorpio_DR 0

Wednesday 2 February 2011 0:46

I've never had any issues getting some yellow to cover up my black ****....so damn wait, we're talking paint...can't help you there, my bad. Yep FYL

eissirk 2

Wednesday 2 February 2011 0:48

ydi for sleeping

2DMax 11

Wednesday 2 February 2011 0:59

this can be used to your advantage: "I have a big black ****" *girl's eyes widen* "On my wall." *OP gets slapped*

fishboy112 0

Wednesday 2 February 2011 1:02

that's why they make sandpaper genius

denversolo 0

Wednesday 2 February 2011 1:05

Primer and yellow paint work fine. Quit your whining till you have a real problem.

hellokeroppi 5

Wednesday 2 February 2011 2:15

ur fault for painting ur house YELLOW

bestiebabes_jes 0

Wednesday 2 February 2011 2:49

black n yellow black n yellow haha how ironic :))

Rowdy0ne 0

Wednesday 2 February 2011 3:12

You should have just painted it into a rocket ship when the paint didn't cover it

kaoriblossom 8

Wednesday 2 February 2011 3:32

......looks like someone likes some black meat.....

elizabeth705 0

Wednesday 2 February 2011 3:55

ydi for painting you house yellow.

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The Top

Today, due to my blood pressure, I've begun getting an agonising migraine every time I get increased heart rate from arousal. We’re supposed to be trying for our first baby, but we’ve not had successful sex in weeks because I can’t last until orgasm before I feel like my head is splitting open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 168

Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 932

You deserved it 6 772

The Top

Today, is my boyfriend and my 3 year anniversary. We decided to give each other something that we really needed. I bought him the $300 worth of books that he needed for college. He surprised me with a workout video and exercise equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 424

You deserved it 11 837

Today, as an agency babysitter, I was sent to babysit “Satan’s evil twin.” This kid is so bad, the dad pays additional fees to the agency for every time he damages the sitter's personal items, or if they require a hospital visit. His advice was, "Don’t be afraid to hit him back or he will take your eyes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 790

You deserved it 132

Today, my state began relaxing the quarantine order. We decided to take the kids for a nice picnic in the park to get them outside. First park we went to, we saw a homeless man openly pissing in the parking lot. Second park, we saw two teens fucking on the table. Day was officially ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 905

You deserved it 373

Today, my girlfriend and I threw a housewarming party we'd been planning for almost 2 months. Out of the 30 plus people I invited from work, literally nobody showed up. Not going to lie, I'm a little depressed about it. It's going to be hard to go to work and pretend I'm not upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 437

You deserved it 276

Today, I found that there is nothing worse than coming home to a snake slithering across your kitchen floor. Except when it disappears into your cabinets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 727

You deserved it 3 357

Today, I woke up on the floor with my feet still in the bed. I had passed out while vomiting into a bucket, since I couldn't make it to the bathroom in time. The bucket had spilled all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 458

You deserved it 631

Same thing different taste

Stained

Together forever

Remodeling

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