Health: Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that... - FML

By Username - 03/05/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that I can never cross the crosswalk fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 228

You deserved it 34 438

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Strange metric

By Anonymous - 03/11/2020 01:57 - United States

Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 1 533

Careless and carefree

By Anonymous - 12/08/2022 07:00 - Romania

Today, when I crossed the street, I almost died because of a careless driver, but when I crossed it again on my way back, I got hit by a bicycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 297

Boozehound

By sad fat drunk - 25/05/2020 05:00

Today, I realized that my one and only motivation to lose weight was the fact that it would take less alcohol to get me blitzed if I didn’t weigh as much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 476

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 07:14 - Australia

Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 086

You deserved it 7 403

By anonymous - 25/07/2013 01:31 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 299

You deserved it 8 135

By CreeptacularBait - 27/05/2018 19:00

Today, after over a month of running to lose weight, I can’t walk without crying from the shooting pain in my legs. My husband is upset that I won’t go to the grocery store, make his lunch, or go hiking with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 531

You deserved it 819

By LadyJane - 13/01/2017 14:21

Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 836

You deserved it 2 573

Health is overrated

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 12:00

Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 190

By Lou - 01/06/2010 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 575

You deserved it 58 706

New day, same shit

By PickYourselfUp - 06/10/2014 03:17 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 907

You deserved it 8 661

Next

Top comments

griffin4 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:17

like the penguin. he too waddles

marijuanasmoker4 3

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:22

You could gain more weight, and just roll across the crosswalk.

Comments

AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:21

That's too bad. Eat healthy and exercise, don't be lazy. And also, stop at one donut, you don't need the whole box -_-

Garyy_fml 11

Wednesday 4 May 2011 2:13

^ Thanks Oprah

A7X_LoVeee 10

Wednesday 4 May 2011 3:17

OPRAH ROCKS!

RapeWhistle 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 3:20

Garyy, you're great.

Garyy_fml 11

Wednesday 4 May 2011 3:34

thank you

raveypoo 4

Wednesday 4 May 2011 3:59

don't need to be rude...

fatgirllovesfml 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 8:52

donuts! nomnomnomnomnomnom

marijuanasmoker4 3

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:22

You could gain more weight, and just roll across the crosswalk.

birdmanflyhigher 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 2:58

lol

CitrusGirl 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 3:12

Anyone else think of the scene in Willy Wonka where the bratty girl chews the gum and blows up into a giant blueberry?

koolbop56 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 5:03

best idea ever. its a win-win. OP gets food, drivers witnessing the situation get entertainment.

daybowbow 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 7:09

YES. OR! Then you can get a handicap sticker and one of those motorized scooters that morbidly obese people "need" instead of walking 20 feet and burning a few calories. Man. I hate those ******* in the grocery store.

hryffff 11

Tuesday 9 October 2012 0:04

Now how would she get back up? Silly billy goat

thebestof1984 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:22

Motivation is the key to success! Good luck!

melbadelb 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 1:20

finally someone said something positive !!

jennifer93 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:24

hey, motivation is motivation! whatever it takes I guess

apcfan009 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 1:09

dammit i went to the comments just to say that exact thing! Oh well, i'll just smile and go what she said :)

wenta 1

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:24

oh I'm guessing the crosswalk is like American for zebra crossing or something...

schmelia 10

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:45

I think it's just American for the pedestrian crossing at an intersection (ie red & green man).

KVKdragon 26

Wednesday 4 May 2011 4:02

wow, you're slow (smh -__-)

livin_plur 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 6:11

what does smh mean? I know I'm gonnA get blown up with stupid comments about what it cud b but I'm just hoping a sweet soul will fill me in on the true meaning lol

copo37 7

Wednesday 4 May 2011 6:30

smh is scratching or shaking my head. pretty damn dumb acronym right?

cldean24 4

Wednesday 4 May 2011 17:24

I don't like ikr, it is more effective when you type out, "I know, right?"

IadamkI 3

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:24

Fatty lol

CateXOX 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 4:04

Hear that? I think your last brain cell just died while typing that witty comment right there.

buttnuggets 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 5:33

hear?

FMLandurstoo 9

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:25

did you get hit?

valri3 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:25

That is kind of sad. If I were driving my car and had to stop and wait 5 minutes to wait for you to cross over, I'm not going to be pleased...

jrgr 6

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:28

hahaha! poor crunchycereal xD

kaynorr 9

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:25

I don't get it

kaynorr 9

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:27

now I do

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family Cats DIY Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Management Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Transportation ADHD Dogs Animals Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, I followed my daughter and found out she wasn’t with friends, she was on a date. I confronted her about the lie, but she takes after her mother, a lawyer, and steamrollered over me about invading her privacy, so even though she lied, she somehow has the moral high ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 2 713

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 329

You deserved it 41 015

The Top

Today, when I visited my daughter's apartment that she moved into about 3 months ago, I found out that she buys new underwear every time she runs out instead of washing her dirty ones. Her dirty ones have their own special hamper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 140

You deserved it 2 962

Today, my boyfriend got upset after I politely asked him to do the laundry. He takes every chance he gets to act macho and brag to people about how he's in the Marines, but apparently he is too much of a pussy to act like a man and clean his own clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 743

You deserved it 6 639

Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 637

You deserved it 7 300

Today, my work's annual Christmas party is at 3:00. Everyone in the office is off work at 2:00, except me and the boss who is staying 'til 4:00. I have been informed the boss is leaving early today to attend the Christmas party, but I need to lock up when I leave at 4:00. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 783

You deserved it 197

Today, I was having a debate with my friend, who actually believes karma is real. He got very angry with me and stormed off, tripping over his own feet in the process. I laughed and asked what he'd done in a past life to deserve that one. He responded by getting up and punching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 660

You deserved it 39 201

Today, while in bed with my game-obsessed girlfriend, she told me I was a "noob" in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 473

You deserved it 6 760