Health: Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that... - FML

By Username - 03/05/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that I can never cross the crosswalk fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 228

You deserved it 34 438

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Same thing different taste

Strange metric

By Anonymous - 03/11/2020 01:57 - United States

Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 1 533

Careless and carefree

By Anonymous - 12/08/2022 07:00 - Romania

Today, when I crossed the street, I almost died because of a careless driver, but when I crossed it again on my way back, I got hit by a bicycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 297

Boozehound

By sad fat drunk - 25/05/2020 05:00

Today, I realized that my one and only motivation to lose weight was the fact that it would take less alcohol to get me blitzed if I didn’t weigh as much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 476

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 07:14 - Australia

Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 086

You deserved it 7 403

By anonymous - 25/07/2013 01:31 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 299

You deserved it 8 135

By CreeptacularBait - 27/05/2018 19:00

Today, after over a month of running to lose weight, I can’t walk without crying from the shooting pain in my legs. My husband is upset that I won’t go to the grocery store, make his lunch, or go hiking with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 531

You deserved it 819

By LadyJane - 13/01/2017 14:21

Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 836

You deserved it 2 573

Health is overrated

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 12:00

Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 190

By Lou - 01/06/2010 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 575

You deserved it 58 706

New day, same shit

By PickYourselfUp - 06/10/2014 03:17 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 907

You deserved it 8 661

Next

Top comments

griffin4 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:17

like the penguin. he too waddles

marijuanasmoker4 3

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:22

You could gain more weight, and just roll across the crosswalk.

Comments

valdancer99 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:56

lol fyl

the__usual 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:59

Better late than never!

CateXOX 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 4:08

Unless a car is coming straight at them. Then it's probably better not to cross at all.

krystina_gee 2

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:59

To be honest, it is pretty hard to cross in time because where I live the light also does change fast.

Smilez12 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:59

lmfao jaja story of ur lyfee lol xD

awardZu 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 1:03

That's the only reason you can think of to lose weight? Hit the gym, fatass. Get rid of the jelly doughnuts, and buy a treadmill.

coltsluvr123 2

Wednesday 4 May 2011 1:05

pretty legit reason lol

mandel2000 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 1:05

ey miss fatty fatty yuh a murdah

CateXOX 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 4:11

Excuse me?

missmaryb 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 1:07

People are so digusting. How many years did it take to get to that point and you never saw it coming?

rbubbles 20

Wednesday 4 May 2011 2:08

how can you call someone you don't know and have never seen as "disgusting" for not being able to cross a road fast enough? don't assume how fat this person may be, for all we know he/she may be skinny but just unfit.

imnotcraZ 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 1:08

u gotta run drills and hope u don't get hit!

HellaFletcher 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 1:12

oh my god its that when you are crossing a road and the light says walk it goes back to green before she can get across

dreamering 16

Wednesday 4 May 2011 7:24

WTF you just said?

skateking133 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 7:29

what is this I don't even...

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The Top

Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him "Meow" over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin, and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 634

You deserved it 68 712

Today, I received a package addressed to me. Excited, I opened it in front of my whole family. Inside was a box of adult toys that I definitely did not order. Turns out, my friend Mike thought it would be hilarious to send it to me as a joke. My grandma's face will haunt me forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 177

The Top

Today, I spoke with my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend. Actually, she isn't all that crazy. He really did cheat on her with half a dozen other girls. The same girls he's apparently cheating on me with. How do I know for sure? Thank you crazy ex for his email passwords. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 783

You deserved it 5 261

Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I agree, your life sucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 114

You deserved it 58 658

Today, I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time today and learned that his mom is from the same area as my dad. Before I could tell a funny story about my dad’s senior prank, his mom said that during her senior year, some asshole spray painted their school mascot on their football field. That was my dad’s senior prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 371

Today, I went to a dollar store with a couple friends to buy cap guns to play with. We were having a lot of fun with them, and took them onto a bus. 5 minutes later, three cops got on, handcuffed us, and sternly talked to us about the dangers of guns. We got arrested for toy guns. We are 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 401

You deserved it 58 629

Today, my parents invited all their kids and grandkids to join them on a vacation trip to the mountains; all their kids except me, that is. I'm not invited. But they did invite my ex-husband. And his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 540

You deserved it 3 386

Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 231

You deserved it 2 328