Miscellaneous: Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke...

By Strainer - 23/05/2015 04:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 557

You deserved it 5 996

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Same thing different taste

High tension

By Discipl - 28/10/2014 03:00 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 110

You deserved it 5 957

Too stupid

By Anonymous - 15/02/2020 01:00

Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 2 281

How? Why?

By WetMorning - 05/11/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, my day started with me peeing in my own face. My eye still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 671

By Anonymous - 04/05/2011 18:05 - United States

Today, after an extremely hard day at work, I took a hot shower to wind down a little bit. I accidentally splashed a painful amount of hot water and shampoo in my eyes. My left contact is now stuck to my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 194

You deserved it 8 968

Blow it

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 01:59

Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 723

Leave it to the pros

By Anonymous - 05/11/2021 00:01 - United States - Epsom

Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 237

Headshot

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 14:01

Today, I was putting on my sweatpants and accidentally stepped on the elastic drawstring. I moved my foot. The string snapped upward with great speed and hit me in my open eye. My eyeball is not happy with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 118

By blanknameisblank - 09/06/2014 19:36 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a zit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 667

You deserved it 22 113

Like a true Marxist

By Anonymous - 29/12/2022 12:00 - Germany

Today, I’ve been feeling like I got something stuck in my eye for hours. Nope, just one of those tiny blood vessels swollen up to the point it chafes on my eyelid. The only way I’m not in pain is by looking exclusively toward the extreme left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 88

Precision flinging

By oh god why - 06/10/2019 00:01

Today, while I was changing my tampon, I somehow managed to fling period blood into my eye. I wish I was making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 248

Chrriis 20

Saturday 23 May 2015 23:58

How does one simply do that while taking a shit? What the ****.. Stop pushing so damn hard!

Welshite 39

Saturday 23 May 2015 23:58

Next time play Eye of the Tiger for extra motivation.

Comments

PrestonWolf 13

Sunday 24 May 2015 18:26

Wow you must be pretty darn strong. Ouch

Just_Kermit 13

Sunday 24 May 2015 19:46

Dillon?

hume 18

Sunday 24 May 2015 21:42

What a "shitty" situation! And yes I know this comment will get a bunch of down votes.

msmedieval 11

Sunday 24 May 2015 22:03

Fruits, vegetables, water... for the love of God! Or at least laxatives. People have died from pushing too hard on the toilet.

JCal585 8

Monday 25 May 2015 0:25

H2O, bro..

messymessiah 11

Monday 25 May 2015 1:17

Sounds like Stewie in Family Guy, except he was just farting.

goldcock19 9

Monday 25 May 2015 2:32

I feel bad for your asshole

kmarie22_613e 25

Monday 25 May 2015 4:16

I'll bet your were reading FML on the toilet.

tinyalmeida 11

Monday 25 May 2015 4:59

You need more fiber!! And you need to drink more water!!

DerpAngel 8

Monday 25 May 2015 5:06

Can that even be fixed? Just curious.

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I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, my roommate unexpectedly came home with a new puppy. I'm severely allergic to dogs. When I reminded her of this, she explained that the puppy was her family now and if I didn't like it I should move out because blood is thicker than water. My roommate is my sister. FML

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I agree, your life sucks 42 284

You deserved it 3 797

Today, my girlfriend's best friend started coming on to me. I was appalled, and told her she was a terrible friend. My girlfriend jumped out of nowhere and started crying. Apparently, her kink is watching her best friend and boyfriend fuck, and she's now mad I didn't go for it. What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 274

You deserved it 209

Today, I lost all hope on making my project high quality because of my partner's incompetence. My partner, AKA the company president. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 396

You deserved it 2 532

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 124

You deserved it 34 697

Today, I went to work during Black Friday, after not being invited to my family's Thanksgiving dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 122

Today, my mom cut off the legs of all my pants, because she says I don't show enough skin for guys. I'm now forced to wear jaggedly cut shorts that barely cover my thighs until I can buy new ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 157

You deserved it 5 287

Same thing different taste

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