Miscellaneous: Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke...

By Strainer - 23/05/2015 04:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 559

You deserved it 5 996

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Same thing different taste

High tension

By Discipl - 28/10/2014 03:00 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 111

You deserved it 5 959

Too stupid

By Anonymous - 15/02/2020 01:00

Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 2 285

How? Why?

By WetMorning - 05/11/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, my day started with me peeing in my own face. My eye still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 672

By Anonymous - 04/05/2011 18:05 - United States

Today, after an extremely hard day at work, I took a hot shower to wind down a little bit. I accidentally splashed a painful amount of hot water and shampoo in my eyes. My left contact is now stuck to my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 195

You deserved it 8 972

Blow it

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 01:59

Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 725

Leave it to the pros

By Anonymous - 05/11/2021 00:01 - United States - Epsom

Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 238

Headshot

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 14:01

Today, I was putting on my sweatpants and accidentally stepped on the elastic drawstring. I moved my foot. The string snapped upward with great speed and hit me in my open eye. My eyeball is not happy with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 119

By blanknameisblank - 09/06/2014 19:36 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a zit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 669

You deserved it 22 114

Like a true Marxist

By Anonymous - 29/12/2022 12:00 - Germany

Today, I’ve been feeling like I got something stuck in my eye for hours. Nope, just one of those tiny blood vessels swollen up to the point it chafes on my eyelid. The only way I’m not in pain is by looking exclusively toward the extreme left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 89

Precision flinging

By oh god why - 06/10/2019 00:01

Today, while I was changing my tampon, I somehow managed to fling period blood into my eye. I wish I was making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 248

Chrriis 20

Saturday 23 May 2015 23:58

How does one simply do that while taking a shit? What the ****.. Stop pushing so damn hard!

Welshite 39

Saturday 23 May 2015 23:58

Next time play Eye of the Tiger for extra motivation.

Comments

scottishoatmeal 22

Monday 8 February 2016 8:23

This made my eyes water

Stepz_ 1

Friday 22 April 2016 14:42

Well that's pretty shitty

ApricotQueen 17

Friday 29 July 2016 8:04

laxatives. or prune juice. not both, because that leads to regrets

404wan 19

Saturday 8 December 2018 12:28

you need to change your ******* diet.

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend got into a huge fight with her mom over the phone. After the fight, she looked ready to cry so I went over to comfort her. She went straight past me, and started confiding in her creepy, extremely expensive dolls instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 873

You deserved it 3 148

Today, a field engineer decided to rework everyone's schedule, just because he couldn't be bothered to do a full day's work. Now two of us who would've been busy all day are sat on our phones, and he's off out on "errands". How a day goes depends on how bothered he can be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 81

The Top

Today, I thought I would treat myself to a shave and a haircut at a proper barber, instead of just a haircut at Supercuts. After many "Oops", "Sorry", even an "Oh dear", I left with no hair cut, and blood streaming from multiple slices in my face from the shave. I think one might need stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 911

You deserved it 3 250

Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 710

You deserved it 36 529

Today, I got fired from the job I'd had for eleven years for going onto Facebook while on the clock. When I got home, I saw that my boss had updated his status, from work, to "Finally fired that bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 033

You deserved it 10 075

Today, I had a large pimple on my temple. I decided to try the whole "put toothpaste on the zit to make it dry up" technique that all the magazines say to do. Not only is my pimple still there, but the toothpaste irritated my skin and my already large pimple now appears three times bigger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 088

You deserved it 8 060

Today, my ex-husband checked himself into rehab after a fight with his girlfriend of 6 months. We were together for 14 years, and have 3 children together. We divorced because of his drinking. His wife and kids weren't worth enough to him to get help, but apparently his new girlfriend is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 233

Today, I found out that the threatening and insulting messages I received from my boyfriend's "stalker ex" were actually sent by him. Why? Because he cheated and he didn't want to admit it. I'm dating a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 353

You deserved it 244

Same thing different taste

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