Miscellaneous: Today, I tried to act nonchalant in front of my neighbors, and...

By Jesse from - 03/08/2010 10:21 - United States

Today, I tried to act nonchalant in front of my neighbors, and swing my lanyard around with my keys on it. It flew off my finger and into their yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 249

You deserved it 38 993

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Same thing different taste

Rush hour

By lateforwork - 02/09/2019 14:00

Today, whilst heading out the door to go to work, my lanyard got caught on the doorknob inside, and I watched my keys swing back inside as the door closed behind me. It was locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 252

Give it back

By psycho - 16/02/2022 19:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was on my patio trying to take photos of the amazing sunset. My phone slipped out of my hands and landed on my downstairs neighbor’s patio. When I asked for it back, they slammed the door in my face. I tried to climb over and get it myself. They called the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 184

Lee Trevi-not

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 12:07

Today, I was practicing my golf swing on my front lawn. I took a swing and on the backstroke the golf club slipped out of my hands. Next thing I know, it hits a neighbor's window, shatters it, and goes right into their living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 1 524

By Anonymous - 25/09/2011 04:18 - United States

Today, I bought a lanyard for my new car keys. "Epic Fail" was printed on it. Not two hours after getting it and putting my keys on it, I locked them in my car. I don't have a spare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 351

You deserved it 34 356

By Masey - 17/09/2009 12:46 - United States

Today, I was running late for work. As I hurried out the door, I managed to trip over my own feet, fall off the front porch, and key my new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 398

You deserved it 7 514

By 2234 - 04/10/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, I was tossing my car keys into the air and catching them. I threw them up really high, only to have them land in the branches of the palm tree outside my door, at the very top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 328

You deserved it 48 482

By xxxdwangelaxxx - 18/04/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 130

You deserved it 34 641

Anyone could've waltzed in

By DTMM - 15/09/2023 08:00

Today, I was looking for my condo keys, thinking I had left them in my mailbox on the first floor the night before. Leaving to check, I realized I'd forgot to take them out of my door when I had come in, leaving them in the keyhole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 529

By Anonymous - 06/01/2017 06:54

Today, I inadvertently gave passers by the middle finger as I tried to stop my glasses from sliding off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 167

You deserved it 1 400

Stealth mode activated

By KeithFFS - 21/10/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I sneaked out of work early. I tripped over my own feet while walking up to my car. As I fell, I managed to hit the panic button on my car keys, setting off my car alarm while I lay flat on the ground in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 510

hawkmcge3 0

Tuesday 3 August 2010 16:38

oh no! I couldn't keep a lanyard on ur finger they must hate u now

picklezz123 5

Tuesday 3 August 2010 16:36

whatever not a big deal

Comments

MartinFootball 0

Tuesday 3 August 2010 17:40

not an fml

orph_the_d 5

Tuesday 3 August 2010 17:47

This is not FML this is douchebaggery. Please find a fire and proceed to play -.-

Trollz4daLULZ 1

Tuesday 3 August 2010 17:53

YDI for having keys. YDI for having neighbors. YDI for having a lanyard. YDI for having a finger. YDI for even posting this.

KikiCarroll 0

Tuesday 3 August 2010 17:54

and your life sucks because.......????

DaTruth1222 0

Tuesday 3 August 2010 17:55

why would you even post this? that was not funny or amything at all...

SexiAmber1990 0

Tuesday 3 August 2010 18:00

This is not a FML. How the hell this made it in, I will never understand.

MartinFootball 0

Tuesday 3 August 2010 18:01

y did I get my comment moderated for saying not a fml?

southpointchrysl 0

Tuesday 3 August 2010 18:03

umm. okay.

iltby 3

Tuesday 3 August 2010 18:07

Who the hell cares? Like...seriously, are we meant to actually care about this?

ndizzle 0

Tuesday 3 August 2010 18:10

This is the one time I want someone to say "lol I just moderated this!!11". I need someone to blame for this BS.

Trollz4daLULZ 1

Tuesday 3 August 2010 18:12

Heard dat!

Keywords

Awkward Love Friends Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Intimacy Sex Am I overreacting? Poopoo peepee Management Frustration Capitalism Coworkers Transportation Animals ADHD Dogs Dating Mental health Health

The Top

Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 118

Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 149

You deserved it 39 590

The Top

Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 554

You deserved it 70 622

Today, some kids stole all four wheels off my car. They were nice enough to leave a note and some money though, "for the bus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 776

You deserved it 3 105

Today, I was declined a sales position at a local store. As I headed out, I heard the interviewer telling a colleague, "Christ. That kid had less charisma than Microsoft Sam." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 138

You deserved it 1 769

Today, I was out shopping. It was fine until my dental crossbow broke as I was laughing. The springs locked, and I couldn't close my mouth. The orthodontist couldn't see me for two hours, leaving me to walk around town with my mouth hanging open like a psychopath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 568

You deserved it 3 704

Today, my mother asked me why her new airsoft gun wasn't working. I explained to her that it doesn't actually shoot air, it requires pellets too. She looked at me like I was too stupid to be her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 789

You deserved it 3 319

Today, my support worker gave me tampons and baby milk powder as part of my food parcel. The only thing is I can't have kids, I don't have kids, and I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 99