Animals: Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles,...

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 17:35 - Canada

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 403

You deserved it 12 871

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 18:52 - Macedonia

Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 793

You deserved it 6 879

Thanksssss

By Mojosahomo - 10/01/2018 17:30 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 163

You deserved it 622

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 172

By olive_costume - 05/12/2009 01:16 - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 720

You deserved it 8 065

Lurker

By Katie - 20/02/2011 08:35 - Reserved

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 069

You deserved it 3 101

By Kira - 24/04/2015 17:09 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I was spending some time alone out in the countryside, when I glanced at my boot. I saw a snake, screamed, ran like hell for my car, tripped over my own feet, and smashed my kneecaps. Upon further inspection, I realized the "snake" was my loose shoelace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 922

You deserved it 13 578

By KittyNeko - 28/12/2009 06:26 - United States

Today, I allowed my friend to talk me into going on a date. The guy's truck smelled like formaldehyde - I'm assuming from the snake that he apparently tried to turn into a necklace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 071

You deserved it 3 192

By Hannah - 04/03/2012 20:46 - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 995

You deserved it 31 759

I'm Jim Morrison, I'm Dead

By lizardhater - 12/03/2020 22:09 - Singapore

Today, a lizard got caught in some loose duct tape in my office. A perk of working alone, I get to clean up. Lizards scare the Bejeezus out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190

You deserved it 277

Sneeeeek!

By blindsparrow - 18/11/2014 05:35 - United States - Dublin

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 392

You deserved it 2 946

JenDanielle917 13

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:05

What? He wasn't turned on? You sure?

indistructo 3

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:06

I'm sure that you both enjoyed ;) hey maybe it'll lead to something more

Comments

uffiewuffie 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

He'll come around... Give it time.

nessa0322 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:07

Idk how this is a fml or how it even got approved. If he liked you why are you complaining that he had to go in Between your boobs?? This one is pretty stupid.

sugarbaby9908 20

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:09

If your trying to impress him, that should be a double whammy!!

xShannonxSammyx 7

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:10

Did you like it?

DudeBTM 8

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:10

If I was a reptile lover and a girl showed up at my doorstep with a snake and lizard and was willing to let me touch her boobs then yeah, I would want to see her again.

helterskeltersmi 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:11

And...?

Mokiikom_fml 8

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:11

Your lizard is trying to help you, but he/she doesn't quite understands all the rules of human romance and went a bit too far too soon. But it was out of a good intention. lol You should be happy it was the lizard trying to help and not the snake, or you might have ended up with a trouser snake incident!