Health: Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I...

By person - 26/12/2010 17:59 - Jordan

Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 923

You deserved it 28 341

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Same thing different taste

Mr. Burns

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 17:00 - United States

Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 522

Sliced

By Anonymous - 18/04/2023 18:00

Today, I was in a rush to get ready for work so I quickly shaved my legs. In my haste, I accidentally nicked myself in a very sensitive area and had to spend the day simmering in discomfort and checking my crotch every so often to make I wasn't bleeding through my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 265

By Dan - 20/10/2018 15:30

Today, I put some Gold Bond in between my legs to help reduce moisture. After I finished applying it, I discovered that the Gold Bond had Menthol in it. My crotch is on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 2 349

Pissed

By Matt - 13/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 530

Sick burn

By littl3storm - 01/06/2020 17:00

Today, while sitting an at home university exam, I started getting period cramps. I decided to use a heat patch to help. I left it on for the allotted time, but when I took it off, it peeled my skin off and burnt the surrounding skin. I'm now burnt AND still experiencing cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 220

By anonymous - 12/03/2012 08:03 - United States

Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 676

You deserved it 27 504

Our insect overlords

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 10:58

Today, something flew up the back of my shorts while I was at work. I now have itchy hot welts the size of my palm coating the back and inside of both my upper thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 76

Nuts

By Painful - 05/10/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 924

You deserved it 39 999

Third degree

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 06:01

Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 142

By Anonymous - 15/08/2018 20:30

Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 771

You deserved it 447

f_alltheirlives 3

Sunday 26 December 2010 23:36

Dime sacks? Plums? You should trade those in for a pair of regular testicles

fakeaccountX 6

Monday 27 December 2010 2:20

Attention all FMyLife users. Testicles. That is all.

Comments

Samberriee 9

Monday 27 December 2010 8:48

I love how you have multiple nicknames for ya nuts. :D

forestqueenie 0

Monday 27 December 2010 10:08

faaaaaaaail

Lee002 8

Monday 27 December 2010 10:09

YDI for calling them dime sacks

jessicajellybean 0

Monday 27 December 2010 10:31

lol'd at #75 I hope that was a joke bc it was witty... if not then you really don't have much common sense. (prob from all the weed you're smoking.)

supertacowaffle 41

Monday 27 December 2010 10:36

FAYUL

bodnarfresh 0

Monday 27 December 2010 11:28

Just in time for the holidays. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...

MzMegs 20

Monday 27 December 2010 11:37

WTF?! Dime sacks? Plums? I've never heard those terms before. Why don't you just say balls or something else that isn't utterly retarded?

missbehavinn 2

Monday 27 December 2010 11:43

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahaha

oliver86 8

Monday 27 December 2010 12:43

a terrible joke

sunshyne84_fml 0

Monday 27 December 2010 12:50

I almost thought he was talkin about his weed.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, the guy I was seeing told me he only wants to be friends. Every guy I've dated in the last 10 years has lost interest after we've had sex for the first time, and nobody will tell me why or what I did wrong. I'm going to die alone and I don't even know why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 196

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 197

You deserved it 9 151

The Top

Today, my boyfriend told me he had to go pick up his family from the airport. I assumed he meant his parents. He apologized and said he meant his wife and child. They'd got their visa sooner than he'd thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 097

You deserved it 6 206

Today, I found out my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years old. He'd told me it ran away. I can't be mad at my dad; he's been dead for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 964

You deserved it 2 864

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 564

You deserved it 6 842

Today, I was in gym class talking to a guy I like. My friend then decided to come up behind me and pants me, pulling down my underwear along with them. His only comment? "Someone needs to shave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 671

You deserved it 7 596

Today, I managed to bruise my nipple by closing an umbrella on it. The stupidity of the whole thing hurts almost as much as the injury. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 664

You deserved it 5 192

Today, I walked in on my sister masturbating with my curling iron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 539

You deserved it 6 747