Health: Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I...

By person - 26/12/2010 17:59 - Jordan

Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 923

You deserved it 28 341

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Same thing different taste

Mr. Burns

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 17:00 - United States

Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 522

Sliced

By Anonymous - 18/04/2023 18:00

Today, I was in a rush to get ready for work so I quickly shaved my legs. In my haste, I accidentally nicked myself in a very sensitive area and had to spend the day simmering in discomfort and checking my crotch every so often to make I wasn't bleeding through my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 265

By Dan - 20/10/2018 15:30

Today, I put some Gold Bond in between my legs to help reduce moisture. After I finished applying it, I discovered that the Gold Bond had Menthol in it. My crotch is on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 2 349

Pissed

By Matt - 13/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 530

Sick burn

By littl3storm - 01/06/2020 17:00

Today, while sitting an at home university exam, I started getting period cramps. I decided to use a heat patch to help. I left it on for the allotted time, but when I took it off, it peeled my skin off and burnt the surrounding skin. I'm now burnt AND still experiencing cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 220

By anonymous - 12/03/2012 08:03 - United States

Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 676

You deserved it 27 504

Our insect overlords

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 10:58

Today, something flew up the back of my shorts while I was at work. I now have itchy hot welts the size of my palm coating the back and inside of both my upper thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 76

Nuts

By Painful - 05/10/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 924

You deserved it 39 999

Third degree

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 06:01

Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 142

By Anonymous - 15/08/2018 20:30

Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 771

You deserved it 447

f_alltheirlives 3

Sunday 26 December 2010 23:36

Dime sacks? Plums? You should trade those in for a pair of regular testicles

fakeaccountX 6

Monday 27 December 2010 2:20

Attention all FMyLife users. Testicles. That is all.

Comments

Rwcrazy 0

Wednesday 14 September 2011 14:42

Why Did you take your underwear off? You got what you deserve!!

loveanthony645 5

Monday 10 October 2011 7:06

Wow. He MEEANSSS that the OP is acting like a girl. Common sense anyone?

chupacabra141 9

Wednesday 18 January 2012 6:27

I thought it was hilarious the way he put it

apocalyptic_1125 0

Friday 10 February 2012 11:15

Your diction is awesome

newburton13 26

Saturday 2 June 2012 20:54

Is it wrong that the only thing that really bothers me here is that this guy can't be consistent with what he calls his "dimesacks/plums"?

kingharrison 4

Monday 19 November 2012 21:11

why do you keep plums in a "dime sacks" doesn't that smash them and why do you keep fruit near your thighs?

Durdanya 13

Tuesday 26 February 2013 23:56

I had to read this twice just to understand your metaphors. They're called balls.

rmack150 2

Thursday 6 June 2013 23:34

With "dime sacks", you have something more to worry about.

Sacytrl 28

Saturday 6 July 2013 18:46

Your choice of words... I've never really heard of it being addressed that way...

TT132 0

Tuesday 5 August 2014 10:19

There was a guy in my basic training who had to see a doctor for masterbaiting with icy hot

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The Top

Today, I finally met my dream woman: a smokin’ hot green-eyed petite redhead. Or so I thought. I met her online and “she” turned out to be a 22 year-old guy trolling me. The worst part is that I separated from my wife for this girl. She won’t take me back no matter how much I beg and plead. FML

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Today, I complained to my boyfriend that he won’t let me meet his family. He sarcastically replied, “What, you mean my wife and kids? You’re a mistress, remember? You don’t get to meet my family.” FML

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The Top

Today, the highlight of my whole month was finally being able to take a solid crap. FML

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I agree, your life sucks 25 044

You deserved it 2 323

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I agree, your life sucks 32 514

You deserved it 17 224

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I agree, your life sucks 36 245

You deserved it 6 788

Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 063

You deserved it 7 963